Crashed and burned while flying high

Q:  I want to start off by clarifying that I’m a not a bad guy despite what may come to people’s mind when I say that I’m a casanova.  I’m honest with all the women I get involved with and they know I’m intimate with other people.  I travel a lot for work and meet girls everywhere–bars, coffee shops, club.  I’m not afraid to go up to a woman and strike up a relevant conversation, unlike other guys who come off sleazy.  Admittedly, I have charm and I capture the right moment to insert myself into a girl’s conversation, when they’re just sitting there or even waiting in the bathroom line.  I’m an attractive guy and the ladies are more than willing to go home with me.  A few months ago when I was out of town, I met a great girl, beautiful, smart, funny, caring, energetic, and motivated, she reminded me of myself, but was very genuine, down-to-earth and innocent.  Somehow, surprisingly I got her to come home with me, I knew from being with her right away when we got back to my place, that this wasn’t something she typically did.  She blew me away, she was bold, but so innocent.  She just opened up to me and trusted me with herself.  She made me laugh and made an impression on me.  Once I was back home, we stayed in touch through the distance and we were so comfortable with each other.  She charmed me through the distance with her sense of humor and cuteness.  She knew that I had been with 100+ girls but she didn’t judge me and let me in her world.  She blew me away with her intellectuality, it was something I rarely ran into with other women and altogether she was very sexy.  We were dating for a few months and it was amazing everytime we were actually able to see each other in her city or mine or somewhere in between.  When I was with her, I felt like I could soar, that I could do anything.  She made me feel like the best man with all the respect and trust she gave me. Despite the distance, she blew me away and captured me. But, I kept dating other girls, it’s what I’m used to and I didn’t want to put all my eggs in a basket.  I liked having multiple women and I was honest with her about it, she seemed fine with it since she herself wasn’t ready to totally settle down.  I had it all, the best of both worlds and I got so comfortable that I let the casanova in me get carried away.  And I slept with her friend while she was in the next room passed out drunk.  She woke up and found us together.  She was furious, stormed away, and the next day told me it was over.  I knew I had messed up, I had let a good girl go because I couldn’t get away from my past and I wasn’t willing to stop sleeping with other girls.  Now, I’m miserable without her, I went from soaring high to crashing straight into the ground.  I think about her all the time and any woman I’m around doesn’t compare to her.  She’s on my mind even when I’m with other girls, even in the bedroom.  She called me the other day just to check on me and made it clear she was only interested in being friends.  She was even sweet, sexy, and beautiful when she said it.  What do I do?  I want her back, I can’t stand not having her in my life.  She was part of my everyday routine even though she was in another city.  How can I get her back?  She doesn’t follow for all the suave tricks I used with all the other women.  I would do anything to get her back. 

A:  Casanova, my oh my, I never understand how one could find the time to earn that status, but it’s obviously a doable feat.  But you messed up on the most important feat, to keep the woman you love.  And that playboy, takes a whole lot more than suave tricks that work on other women, you’ve got to do something extreme.  Darling, you’ve got to let go of your loins, use your heart (the one that says you can’t live without her), and lay it all down.  Granted, she’s made it clear she only wants a friendship, there’s always hope.   Although your casanova life was a challenge to get, winning over the love of your life takes a marathon effort and it’s go time.  And that’s go from start til you cross that finish line, then it’s a new marathon all over again.  But, the one thing you’ve got to put away in your trophy case and never pull out again (that is, if you truly want her back) is your casanova status.  It’s time to start over lover boy and give up your bragging rights and conquests.   That is the start and if you can’t even start with step 1, then son, you best not even try to get her back cause it’s going to fail all over again.  If you can give that up and do it successfully, you’ve got to give her time and space.  Wounds like that are hard to heal, she trusted you despite knowing that you are a playboy.  You’ve broken her trust and the respect that you so loved.  You’ve got to care about her every need, send her something every special every occasion, and tell her what she means to you–in writing, on the phone, in person.  And don’t even try to touch her when you see her, get yourself together and keep your boys trained.  Otherwise you’ll ruin it and set yourself back.  And you have to do this over and over and over until you’ve won her back.  Cheers to you, you’ve got a long road ahead, but if you’re truly serious and do everything I outlined, then I wish you stamina and patience in a situation where you royally messed up.  And there’s no guarantees, maybe in time she’ll finally trust you again and give you a 2nd chance.  And if, big IF, don’t mess it up, I won’t be able to help you then, I don’t work miracles to create a 3rd chance. 

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