Slow your roll

Q: I recently connected with an old group of friends. There was a new girl I befriended several months ago that I was attracted to, but I wasn’t ready to get into a new relationship or any serious dating. I’m not a forward guy, so I didn’t pursue her and we never actually exchanged numbers til recently. She got my number from our mutual friend and to my surprise she called me quite a few times in a period of a few days. I thought nothing of it because she is a friendly girl. But last weekend, we spent the whole day at a local festival with a group of friends and I found myself really curious about her. I was even more attracted to other before. I think she feels the same way since she flirts back, is affectionate with me, and occasionally brushes her hand against me. She even gave me hugs all throughout the day for no reason. I figured that was the green light and I found myself wanting to talk to her the next several days. So, I started to be more aggressive and call her, text her and FB her. I really wanted to see her again and hear from her. And a few nights ago, I text messaged her, commented on her wall on her FB, liked a bunch of photos, and sent her a few FB messages in one night. My friend told me it was too much, do you think so? And how often should I contact her?

A: Woah son. This sounds like the makings of a bad movie! Put FB away, shoot, you may even want to turn off the computer. I’m surprised you didn’t show up on her doorstep (now don’t do this now that I mentioned it, this a discouragement to show up on her doorstep unannounced). The girl isn’t disappearing tomorrow (well, hopefully not and most likely not), what’s the rush? Even if you were in a relationship with her, that’s a little much. Even couples need their space, there are other obligations people have like work, family, daily hygiene, kids, hobbies, and errands. It sounds like she’s definitely interested if she initiated getting your phone number and is flirty and touchy with you. Those are all good signs. But if she hasn’t responded to any of your forms of communication, you seriously overdid it that night. Hopefully she’s less likely to write you off than I would be! But, it’s not a total fail. Just back off a little, there isn’t anything that spells needy like someone who constantly contacts you all day or in your case ALL night. Contact her TWO or THREE times only if you haven’t heard back from her. You gotta give the girl time to respond and breathe too, by the way. I’d err on the side of caution and go with 2 most of the time. This shows you have your own life and interests. You don’t want to be THAT guy. A good rule of thumb for text message responses is that an interested person should respond within a 2 hour window (most of the time, that is). And as far as liking her posts or pictures, try not to be the FB addict and psychotic looking person, the last thing you want is for her to open her FB and have 10 or 12 notifications from solely you. Yikes! And above all, take your time, get to know the girl and let her get to know you, that’s something that can’t be rushed. After all, it is the thrill of the hunt that makes dating so fun and confusing at the same time. Relationships aren’t built overnight and just like the rest of life, the good things are worth waiting for. Patience, my man, patience and slow your roll!


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