Creating life in destruction

Q: My girlfriend is psycho and is getting on my case. Well, actually technically we’re on a break but we do still mess around. I do love her though. Four months ago when we started living together, we found out a month later she was pregnant and we had only been dating for a year. Everything was great prior to the ‘accident’. It was her fault, she stopped being on the pill and I told her that it was her fault. We fought over the whole thing, took 4 pregnancy tests to make sure, and she wanted me to stay together with her. She wanted to read family books together and plan the baby room. She was moving way too fast for me, so I decided to move out and left her to live by herself. She thinks I’m not there for her, but I am. I see her every few days, but she’s just dependent on me because she has no family within a 5 hr drive. I am not ready for any of this and I still keep my same lifestyle. I don’t want to marry her just because of the pregnancy, the thought of only sleeping with one girl the rest of my life scares the life out of me. She wants me to give up my night life of going out half the week, but I don’t want to. I don’t think I should and the kid isn’t here yet. We get to be intimate but I don’t have to be there all the time for her anymore, it’s less stressful. I didn’t tell her, but I started meeting other girls and talking to different girls that I meet and see out often when I go out. I don’t live with her anymore, so I see and spend time with different girls throughout the week. I know she’s not dating anyone, she doesn’t feel right dating someone while she’s pregnant. Plus, I’d be upset if she got intimate with another guy while she’s carrying my child. She was great before all this happened, we had fun together, she loved to be with me. She had her life together more than most girls I knew. She really was the total package, but she just got needy when she got pregnant. Now she constantly on a daily basis goes through my phone and gets upset at texts she sees from different girls. She’s even called a couple of the girls and told them she was pregnant with my kid. I know I didn’t talk to other girls before when we were together, but technically we’re not together even though we haven’t officially said it. How can I get her off my back and to stop being so needy? I want to keep things the way they were before the pregnancy.

A: But wow, so everything is great, then she gets pregnant and then it’s ruined? You say you love this girl, then she begins to carry your child and it’s ruined. And, I had to read that like TEN times to make sure, and yes, indeed, it said it was HER fault. If it was her fault honey, she wouldn’t have needed you. It takes two to tango and when the dance is done, you either keep going or end the dance right there. It’s your choice. You do realize this ‘girlfriend on a break’ is pregnant and instead of preparing for a child, you’re refusing to change your lifestyle. In fact, you bail and move out when it happens. Usually bailing out and talking to other girls doesn’t really spell love for a woman or man for that matter (reversed with guys instead). Party boy, you’re in for a rude awakening when that child is born (and believe me, it will come sooner than you know) that child will need you to feed/change/soothe her/him in the middle of the night at all hours. If you can say your all night partying is preparing for you to stay up when the child is born, I guess you could use that backwards, roundabout excuse. But honestly the sooner you starting preparing, the quicker the transition to fatherhood will be for you. In fact, look at your ‘girlfriend’ and see that you’re already a father in the making. If all that means is to sort through your fears, expectations, cares and worries, then you’re doing all 3 of you a favor. A child is an extension of the love (which you said is true because you did mention the L word) between 2 people, not a lightning bolt striking them dead on the spot. Life does go on and you have a precious life in your hands. In fact, you have TWO lives in your hand now. No matter if you stay with this young lady or not, you will always have a relationship with her and if you’re going to be a good father, you’ll treat her with the same respect that I’m hoping you’d like to teach your son. But, then again, I’m making an assumption that’s what you want to teach your child, people do have different values nowadays. Her ‘neediness’ is a real thing as a result of the pregnancy, she loves you and wants you to step up to the plate and take care of her and your child. Her going out days are gone, at least for now, while you continue to make no changes and actually start talking to other girls. ‘Technically’ you’re still together if you haven’t had the ‘talk’. So, you can talk and do whatever it is that you do with these girls, BUT she can’t be intimate with a man because your child is inside her. Make up your mind, your double standard is painfully obvious. If you’re scared and in denial, which it sounds like you are, then do start there. That’s how you get her off your back, full disclosure that there’s other girls, you want to keep your lifestyle, you don’t want to commit fully to her and you have no clue as to what kind of father you’ll be or how to man up. Do her a favor and let her go, someone else will take her and treat her the way she deserves. And let me tell you if she’s such a great catch, she’ll be gone before you wise up to the truth of the matter. There are tons of men out there ready to accept a single mother and take charge and lead the family. Sit back down, get off the ship, and let her maneuver her way through the rough waters ahead. I’ll tell you she’s better off alone than to bring your drama with her. This is going to happen whether you’re ready or not. You can choose to be involved in the beautiful gift that is unfolding itself or you can have your single life with women, booze, and the freedom to please you and only you. Do what you gotta do, this will go on with or without your commitment.

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