Giving it all away

Q: I’m so in love with the girl I’ve been dating the last 5 years, but I don’t know if I can take it anymore. I would do and have done anything for her. We’ve had a yo-yo relationship the last couple years since the day I messed up and ended up kissing my ex-girlfriend. Now we fight all the time, she meets other guys, and half the time she doesn’t know if she wants to be committed anymore. We don’t even say I love you much anymore. We still have a great sex life, but she’s not as emotionally connected there as I am (role reversal, I know). All of my friends have told me to leave her, even her brother doesn’t understand why I stay with her and continue to do things like financially help her with her mortgage and car, take care of her dog whenever she goes out of town for work, and watch her son so she can go out with the girls. But no one knows her like I do, she means the world to me and I don’t want to take the effort of finding someone else. I’ve gotten so used to her quirks that they’ve become cute, I can’t even imagine feeling that way about anyone else. Every time we go on a break, she goes back to the same guy she met last year. Sometimes I think she even goes back to him when we get back ‘together’ but she denies it. I’ve seen text messages between them but she catches me looking through her phone before I can read them. She tries to tell me he’s nothing compared to me and I’m a much better person. She’s even been so open to me and tell me that he doesn’t physically compare to me. I keep holding out hope. What should I do?

A: Kick her to the curb and do it quick! Sounds good and easy to me! But all joking aside, you’ve got to decide how long you can live in a half ass relationship. I’m sad to say this, I know you love this girl but just because we love someone doesn’t mean they CAN or WILL EVER love you the way you love them. Shoot, I hear you have hope, I have hope too that I’ll win the lottery, but son it takes more than hope to make a relationship work. And you can’t put enough effort in for the two of you. I’m sure you probably feel responsible since things changed since that night you kissed your ex, but your girlfriend kept you despite that. She either needs to get over it (which apparently she isn’t doing) or cut all ties. A mistake is a mistake, forgiveness helps a relationship move on and spiral to something better; that is if it doesn’t go bust in the process. Right now, you’re allowing her to have whatever she wants and as a result, you’re being treated less than the lover you deserve. WOW, I guess you guys are pretty open with each other for her to reveal comparisons between the two of you guys. But she hides her texts from you, so what makes you think she’s being totally honest about the ‘lesser’ qualities he has. She needs something from this other guy–physically, spiritually or mentally–that she’s not getting from you. That’s obvious by the fact that she keeps him around. Leaving is a hard thing to do, I won’t lie. And starting to date again isn’t all peaches and roses. It’s rough, there will probably be times when you get so fed up with it that you will want to go back to her. But, taking a chance at finding true love, true respect, and one who’ll love you just as much is worth the risk. You keep giving to something that apparently doesn’t give back, you’re only human and one day you will be depleted. Our well of love and self-worth is finite, and when it’s not refilled, it WILL run out. You need a real source to keep that well going and right now, she’s not it. She may never be it, so don’t play second fiddle. One of the 2 of you guys she’s dating will eventually lose out and right now, you’re on the losing end. The raw truth is you should just let him have her, she sure isn’t showing any reason why she should have the love you have and have had for her. Find someone that wants you for you and just you alone, it takes work to find, but so does the work to repair a wounded heart that continues to stay as an open wound.

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2 Responses to Giving it all away

  1. wordsfallfrommyeyes says:

    It seriously doesn’t seem she’s treating you right. Fancy paying part of her mortgage and stuff – that’s just giving so much from yourself. You really deserve more back, and you’re not getting it from her. Oh, please leave her.

    • Thanks for the comments. Sorry for the late response, took us some time to get familiar with this site. Yes, the guy did end up leaving her eventually. It took him some time and more heartbreak, but he is single again and back dating on the market. I’m sure he’ll eventually find a great catch with what a great guy he is!! Please come back and check us daily, we update posts daily! You can also like us at http://www.facebook.com/smalltowndating

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