Can’t separate bread and butter

Q: I was recently out with a group of friends at a local bar just having a few drinks and dancing, having fun. I occasionally meet girls at the bar every now and then, and it just so happened that night that I saw a really cute girl I wanted to talk to. I had seen her glance over at me every so often and smile. So I decided to make a move and I started dancing with her. We danced for a little bit, I was still trying to get a feel for her interest level, but I wasn’t sure if my interest was reciprocated. She suddenly walked away and it sent off signs to me that she wasn’t really feeling my vibe. A few minutes later, her friend walked up and she was gorgeous too! I couldn’t believe I had ran into 2 such sexy, hot girls at this bar! I’ve rarely ever had that happen to me there! I figured what the heck and started dancing with both of them! I could tell the 2nd friend was way more into me, I was getting the vibe she was really interested. I had done this plenty of times before and was experienced enough to know when one girl was feeling me more than the other. I knew this for sure when the first girl just walked away again and started dancing by herself. Obviously she seemed to be more interested in dancing by herself than dancing with me, so I just went with it. Five minutes later, girl #2 turned around and told me they were leaving as girl #1 walked up beside her. So I went with my gut and went after girl #2 and asked her for her phone number and what she was doing tomorrow. I got her number and that was the end of that night. Two days later I met up with ‘Heather’ and we had coffee. It was a pretty good night–great conversation, a few laughs, and a good attraction. We agreed we’d meet up again and I was pretty excited. So far, so good, and it was going better than any other first dates I’d had with girls from that bar. She wasn’t psycho, didn’t seem needy, and wasn’t overly attentive to me, so I figured I was doing pretty well. The next day I called her to schedule our next date and she told me she didn’t want to talk or see me again. When I asked why, she seemed a little perturbed that I had no clue why. She said her friend and she had talked more about what went down that night, and had noticed a few ‘shady’ things about me. She reminded me that the first night we had met, I had brought a round of drinks for my group of friends and her, but not her friend (whom I had been dancing with too). And that I had told her friend ‘I could only carry 6 drinks, but I’ll get you one later, I promise’. This was vaguely coming back to me, I had worked up a pretty good buzz by the time all that had happened. She went on to tell me that I NEVER ended up getting her friend a drink and the big dealbreaker was something her friend had revealed that she hadn’t even noticed that night. Apparently, at the end of the night, when I asked her what she was doing the next day and she said she wasn’t sure, her friend interjected and said ‘the party, remember’. I was told that I yelled at her friend and called her a liar. I could slightly recall that, but didn’t doubt it, at times when I’ve had too much to drink, I can be a jerk. And typically when something like that happens, I’m able to get away with it, and the girls let it slide by as I charm my way out of it or use my looks and smile to play off the rudeness. Well, this time it didn’t work and this girl refused to talk to me again. I really wanted to see her again, at least a few more times before we caught everything off. How do I fix this? What can I do to convince her to give me another chance and go out with me again?

A: It always amazes me how some people can get a date by doing so little, but apparently you are good-looking and have a great smile, giving you the charm to pull it off. But sweetheart, you need a lot more than that if you’re trying to pull off more than just a first date. Somehow it slipped by of your rude behavior to her friend at first. But, you should know better than that about how girls talk. Girls review every detail, conversation, and action in their discussions. And it looks like you got caught, no amount of alcohol is an excuse for being rude or a jerk, just as I’m sure had the situation been reversed you wouldn’t have tolerated. If you’ve been ‘doing this for a while’ like you said, then you should know that girl friends stick together. If you act funky to any of her friends and you pretty much nosedive straight into a free fall with no parachute. Sounds like you got a little lucky and had a little padding landing waiting for you enough to convince her to give you a second date. Count your lucky stars they didn’t cuss you out and throw a drink on you that night. But, let it go, if she already told you loud and clear that she doesn’t want a second date, AND her friend isn’t giving the approval, you’ve got no cards to play. Sure you could try to call and/or text message her trying to convince her of how awesome you are and how your behavior was something out of the ordinary caused by…I don’t know, by the alignment of the stars that night or a full moon. But, I’ll give you an Oscar Award if you pull that one off because what you did was rude and uncalled for. And most likely, you’ll either get totally shot down and take a ego hit when she insults you further or you’ll get ignored. Either way, you’ve got pretty low chances, even playing the lottery has a higher percentage chance of winning than you do! Chalk it up to a lesson learned, if you want to impress the girl, at least be on your best behavior for the first few hours and don’t expect little sly comments to her girlfriends not to get picked up. If you learn anything from all of this, know that you have to impress the whole sphere of the girl–the girlfriends, the guys possibly hang out with them, siblings out with them, shoot, even the family dog and cat if you need to. Nothing’s a sure thing in dating, you’ve got to dress up in your full jersey and show off your best game (you), there’ll be plenty of time to show off your flaws later. Empty promises of getting a drink and calling her friend a liar are two things to cut that off. You just don’t understand how lucky you are to even get her number, much less a date, doing either one of those should’ve shut you down before you even got the start line. Nice try buddy, try again, and next time, get the girlfriend a drink too (you might as well have put a bag over her girlfriend’s head, while you did the shot) and don’t EVER EVER EVER call the girlfriend a liar. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know these girls well, name calling is a elementary buddy, you’re in the big league now, you need to come with some class. Now go on, here’s your ‘get out of jail free’ pass, try not to go there again, would ya?


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2 Responses to Can’t separate bread and butter

  1. I like the valuable information you provide in your articles. I will bookmark your blog and check again here regularly. I am quite sure I will learn a lot of new stuff right here! Good luck for the next!

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