Princesses, cowboys, and servants, oh my!

Q: Two months ago, my ex-girlfriend broke things off. We had only dated for two months, but we talked about getting married. We even started looking at dresses for her, went for ring fittings, looked at reception venues and churches. We told our close friends about our plans and started picking out our bridesmaids/groomsmen. I thought I was on top of the world. She was everything I had wanted and I had been looking for a long time. She was great with my parents, came from a great family, had a good head on her shoulders, was smart, and funny. I did everything for her–I cleaned her car, I would unpack her car, and carry her purse and other things. And when she had a family emergency and was too upset to think straight, I looked up a plane ticket for her and planned the whole thing. I paid for her every time we went out and always took care of her. She was my princess and I wanted to do EVERYTHING for her. And then the day her dog died, I stayed with her half the day and then left to go meet my parents. I had told them I was coming by that day and didn’t want to disappoint them, I wanted to be sure they’d give us money for the wedding that we were planning. The day after, she called and told me she wasn’t sure anymore about whether or not she wanted to be with me anymore. She said I had let her down in one of the most important days of her life, the day her dog of 14 yrs died. I told her I’d make it up to her and she fumed saying that I could never make it up to her, that that day had come and gone. She told me no day could make up that I wasn’t there. For her, not being there had signified that I wasn’t as serious about getting married because I couldn’t be there in her time of need. I tried to make it better and told her that I didn’t want to disappoint my parents so they would give us money for the wedding. She was then livid, asking how could I possibly be thinking about a wedding on the day her dog died. She asked where my priorities were and told me she would’ve never left me if something like that happened to me. She told me she needed space and 2 weeks after that, she broke the news. I had disappointed her in one of the most important times in her life, instead of being there (she said just my presence would’ve helped) for her, I was thinking about a wedding. She called that selfish and said I didn’t have my priorities straight. She told me she didn’t need things like for me to clean her car or carry her purse or trying to take care of every little thing for her. She was very independent and that wasn’t what she needed out of a relationship. More than anything she told me she wanted someone who would just be there and support her, she didn’t need to be taken care of. She wanted to be treated as a partner, not as a princess who needed to be rescued or taken care of. She told me I left that day I had broken my promise to give her the world. She told me that I should probably not promise such things in the future and I told her that I would still promise someone that, but just not for it to happen in one day. Then she cut things off and we’ve stayed friends. Now I watch all of her updates and see her pictures on FB, it makes me sad. She looks so happy and seems to have moved on with her life. I really miss her and can’t stand seeing her new life without me on FB. How can I get her back?

A: Can I be your princess? Man, I’d love to do nothing and have someone take care of everything. I could lay on the beaches, go shopping, sleep in… Oh, sorry, I got carried away. Actually, would you carry me away? Okay, okay, I’ll stop. Heartbreak is never a laughing matter, yet if we don’t laugh and keep our head up, we’ll be miserable. Be glad she cut it off now, rather than in the middle of marriage preparation, or at the altar, or even worse, during the marriage. Count yourself lucky! I know you miss the girl, she must’ve been something pretty special if she had such an impact after only dating 2 months. But, you need a better reason than ‘missing her’ that to get her back. What’s changed since it ended? Are you different? Are you going to be able to meet her needs? I know you wanted her to be your ‘princess’, but it sounds like Ms. Independent wasn’t looking for what you’re giving. In every relationship there’s a give and receive, if each person isn’t giving what the other person needs, someone’s going to be disappointed and be let down. Missing her isn’t reason enough to go after her, you’re only setting yourself up for hurt. You let her down in the most important part of what mattered to her. I could not even begin to think of a way for you to EVER make that up to her. I don’t even think becoming her indentured servant will gain your favor back. I say, let it go, I know you miss the girl, but we don’t always get second chances. And, sometimes we fall for the wrong person. I’m sure there’s a princess out there for you. Hold tight, and next time, don’t ever leave your partner during such a tragic time. There’s a princess who’ll love to have what you give, ’til then, say goodbye to Ms. Independent, she’s not for you.

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