Pop that Bubble

Q: I recently broke it off with a guy I’ve been dating for 2 yrs. We had lived together for about 6 months and were fighting so bad. We were also engaged for 2 months and I called that off. The guy didn’t even get me the kind of ring I wanted! He does not know me AT ALL! I feel bad breaking things off, but the guy does not listen to me! Recently I told him he was like a 5 yr old that won’t stop talking! Even my family runs for cover when he comes around because they don’t want to be talked at! He says he loves me and I’m the woman for him. I just don’t feel like he knows me, so how could he possibly be in love with me. He does do amazing things like help move me all by himself, shine and wax my car every week, and cook for me all the time! But he does NOT listen to me, always thinking he’s right and not respecting it when I ask him for space. When I asked him for space, his idea of space was to text me all day, send me random pictures of his nephews that I’m close to, and to tell me all day, over and over that he loves me! He comes over at random times to bring presents for my mom and nephews. I feel like I can’t breathe. I tell him every day that he does not listen to me, I end up yelling my head off in frustration and he still doesn’t get it. He thinks I have an anger problem, but who wouldn’t be angry if they weren’t getting the space they need! I need that to recharge and get down time, but he thinks I’m being selfish and not wanting to spend time with him. I can’t spend every waking moment talking to and texting this guy. My sister asks me what I love about or even like about him, and asked me if I’m a masochist to stay with this time and time again. Am I? Don’t all couples run into these kinds of issues? Is there anything wrong with asking for so much alone time?

A: Well, does he have a twin? Of course I’m asking for myself! Because I want to make sure he gets nowhere near me. I would suffocate if I got that much ‘loving’. I got things to do besides look at clouds and dream of and with my love every day! He even knows when it’s time for business for me, it’s business! I retreat into a black hole to write these spiffy replies! I definitely don’t need his love swarming over me while I’m writing in order to feel loved or inspired. The strength in relationships come when you are a better self, even when they’re NOT around. Someone who doesn’t know how to respect another’s space or ‘bubble’ tends to be very N-E-E-D-Y and insecure. True love should make someone feel fulfilled and confident, like the way you feel after you eat a buffet, minus the sleepy part. Just having your loved one’s presence beside you, whether talking or not, should give you wings to fly! On the other side of the token of having space, is that when people are in love, they tend to WANT to be around their significant other. You even called yourselves a couple but then talked early on about being on a break. You gotta know what you want from this guy. And really, write list of 10 or 5 or at least 3 things that you love about him. I’m guessing talking and listening won’t be on that list! And maybe you are a masochist, maybe you like to repeat yourself, and maybe you just want someone around whether or not he fills that love tank of yours! Sounds more like he knows how to throw a match in that love tank and set it bursting into flames. Listening is a HUGE factor in successful relationships. You guys might as well not talk if he’s not gonna listen, unless you just like listening to yourself get angry about the same thing over and over. If you want space, put your foot down and demand it, you’re entitled to it! And you should probably find some online masochist test to see what’s going on there for you, can’t help you in that area, unfortunately, my vast knowledge doesn’t span there! Some girls operate on the premise (consciously or unconsciously) that they can change a guy. But if the guys are insecure and needy, those are issues he (or any girl, for that matter) need to work out themselves. That’s something Mr Bubble Popper needs to be strong in BEFORE he can be try to provide your needs. We can’t give what we don’t have. If you really want to do what’s best for you, then distance yourself and let the guy go. Personally, I always like it when I can breathe, it’s very comforting! Go for your needs and don’t look back, obviously right now he’s not helping in that department!

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