Alcohol Engagement

Q: My girlfriend and I recently got engaged a month ago. We were having bad fights before we got engaged, but I still decided to propose. Both of our families were telling us not to do it. We had a tendency to ruin every party and occasion by having a yelling match, she would run off crying, and I would pound my fists into the ground, cement, brick walls. It really feels like she’s my soulmate, I just love everything about her. Even though she gets angry all the time, I still love her even then, it makes me see her as a strong, independent woman. The worst thing is that whenever we both drink, it gets ten times worse. We push each other, scream, and slam doors, even when other people are around. But, then when we go home at night, we don’t even make up, but we have so much passion in the bedroom at the end of the night. She brings me to the brink of so much passion, more than any other woman before me. But, it seems like since we got engaged, we fight even more (I know it doesn’t sound possible for it to get worse, but it does), and I’m started to think she has a drinking problem. She is like night and day when she drinks, and she doesn’t even remember the crazy things she does. Last week, we had to bring her to ER because she fell down the stairs and broke her ankle. The next morning, she didn’t even remember what had happened. And a few days ago, I had to carry her out of a bar when she started a fight with a girl in the club. Once again, she didn’t remember any of it. And the worst one was when she punched her hand through our friend’s glass French door. I have no idea why. I don’t know if I can marry her if this is what forever is looking like. The engagement is already draining me and it’s only been a month.

A: Wow, is your fiance in fight club? You had to CARRY her out of the club. So I’m assuming since you had to carry her out, she was being unreasonable even listening to you and was possibly irrational. The worst part of that is she doesn’t remember ANY of it. I mean, I could understand if she remembered bits and pieces, but the whole thing. On top of that, she punches the glass door? Does she really have that much anger she needs to take it out on the glass door? Something is going on with her and you need to guide her quickly to find a way to deal with whatever anger, past issues, or addiction she is dealing with. Some people think it’s as simple as taking the bottle away, but people who have addictive personalities, will replace the bottle with something else and on and on. There’s something deeper than just drinking too much and I encourage you to find out. I don’t know how well you know her, but there may be issues from childhood, sexual abuse, neglect, just to name a few. This is deeper than you to fix and I encourag eyou not to take it on, thinking that you can fix your girl. She needs help and she needs to decide to get it for herself. A few places to start are Alcoholics Anonymous, therapy, and possibly a alcohol treatment center depending on the severity. And as far as passion goes, you’re treading a thin line, there is a thin line between love and hate. Meaning if you’re on one side, crossing that line is easy and back and forth and back and forth, you get the picture. But for now, until you guys can decide the best course of action, at least keep her out of the places where alcohol is prevalent and set an example. You don’t have to stop drinking forever, but at least, let her know that you support her in getting her back to well and healthy. And next time you bring your girl out where you’re gonna drink, you might want to wrap her hands up, who knows what violent situation you may find her in! You’ve got a long road ahead of you to prepare for your marriage if this is where you’re starting off at, but this is a true test of your love to see if you can overcome it! Punch on through!!!

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