Taking chances

Q: I’ve been single for about 6 months now, I left my ex of 3 years, we had gotten engaged. But, a couple months before, I decided that I wasn’t in love and that I still wanted to date around to see what was out there. I had been in back to back relationships for the last 10 yrs, and I wanted to just date. Plain and simple, meet different guys, go out on dates, get to know different guys with different backgrounds and perspectives. I wasn’t ready to settle down at all, I still had a lot of living and learning to do. I had never really ‘dated’, most of my boyfriends were guys who I was once friends with. And a lot of times, I’d just kinda go along with the progression of things and would end up in a relationship. I didn’t think I knew myself enough to know what I wanted out of a guy, so I thought dating around would be the perfect way to accomplish my mission. And as I got to know my ex more and more with the each day, I knew there were a lot of things about him that I know I couldn’t live with. I made a mental note of all those things and decided I would run if I saw any of those characteristics in someone. So, I began dating, I was so amazed how the guys would flock to me. My ex never used to make me feel like I was beautiful enough, I was constantly compared to supermodels and badgered about any physical flaws I had. I loved the attention I was getting, I would meet 2-3 guys a night. Unless they were complete assholes, I’d give them a chance to get to know them. I would meet them in bars and clubs, and I would give them the benefit of the doubt. I would love to be with a Christian guy since I was a strong Christian girl, but I didn’t want to feel like I was using the church as my dating grounds. But, I ended up meeting a really great guy there anyways. He was very cute and something about him drew me into him, mainly his gentle and kind nature. He would just smile and I would get a little a tingly feeling. He didn’t meet my height requirement (I didn’t have this until I met my ex) and he didn’t really show he was interested. I mean, he didn’t ask for my phone number until a month later when we were talking with mutual friends about all going tubing. So, I wrote him off as possibly being interested in me. After that, we started to text message every day and he’d always be sweet, asking about my day and how I was doing. He seemed very genuinely interested in my life and my work. All the while, I kept dating around. It was a pain, I met some real jerks. I met a few boring cats and no one would ever make it past 6 weeks (and even THAT was rare), but most never even made it that far. This church guy would listen to all my dating stories, always telling me they weren’t worth it or that I deserved better. He was there for me and I felt like I had found such a good friend. We would go out once a week and do something kiddish and fun. We’d go to goofy golf, to the park and play childhood games like hopscotch or Operation. The night of my birthday, he gave me a card telling me how much I meant to him and a bouquet of flowers. He also gave me a framed photograph of him and me that he had taken of us in front of a garden of flowers (on timer, of course). He still had not said that he liked me and he wasn’t following the dating model I knew about (with us going out every few days). Granted, he was still in school getting his bachelors, but I figured the guy would spend more time with me than that if he truly liked me. I really did like the guy, I felt so connected to him. I was happy whenever I heard from him, he had all the qualities I wanted–honest, gentle, chill, family-oriented, strong faith, strong family background, thoughtful, and helpful. I could go on and on. I love to sing and he did as well, we’d go to karaoke all the time and sing love songs together all the time. I don’t know what to do. I love the dating around, it’s fun meeting guys from all different backgrounds and I love the attention. Once I met 5 guys in 2 weeks. I’m scared to settle down, I don’t want to end up unhappy 3 years from now (like my ex) and be bored. I want the sure thing, the lasting one. Because if not, then I’m just gonna go play the field. Besides, he hasn’t ever said he likes me and we’ve never had ‘the’ talk! Should I go for it? I really think he could be the one, but I’m scared to put myself out there and get in a new relationship. But he also doesn’t fit my height requirement. What should I do?

A: Wait, what is the problem with this guy here? I’m lost. Can I just have this guy? He fits my list too! Far fetched for me to say that, you might think, but I don’t think so. Good guys get snatched up fast and you best believe if YOU think he’s great, so do a lot of other girls. You haven’t staked your claim, so don’t be surprised if he gets taken by another girl before your very eyes! The guy hasn’t said he likes you, that isn’t surprising either. Sometimes the things that really matter are the ones not said. Maybe he doesn’t know how to express himself, maybe he’s shy. And more than likely, just like you, he’s afraid to put himself out there. There are some guys out there, more likely similar to the ones you meet in the bars and clubs, who are not afraid to go up to a girl. These guys are aggressive, which is great, but for guys who aren’t like that, they get lost in the crowd for girls like you who have guys left and right going after you. Maybe being with him is not as exciting as the dating world with umpteen million guys, but trust me, sooner or later that dating scene will grow old! Not to stereotype, but GENERALLY, the kind of guys you want to settle down with are not the ones in the bars and clubs (especially if you are a person strong in your faith). The only thing you know you have in common with a guy at the bar/club is that you both like to go to bars and clubs, which isn’t much of a leg to stand on. And what is this height requirement thing you can’t let go of? I mean, rides at the fair have requirements, is that a make or break for you? Because if it is, then he’s better off going to someone who won’t let such a thing stop them from being with someone who could be the one. I’m sure there’s plenty of your physical aspects that may not fit his ‘requirements’, maybe you have ugly toes or something. But, you have to weigh those things with the things that matter in a marriage and are important to you. GO FOR IT! What do you have to lose (as long as you royally don’t mess up and do something unforgiveable to him or vice versa)? He’s already made it clear he’s your friend regardless. If you don’t take the chance, you’ll never know how good it could be (it could always be bad too, but that’s the chance you take). He’s your friend now and he’s already shown he’s there for you, that he knows how to give you a thoughtful birthday gift and he has the qualities you want in a man. If you think he’s the one, then why not take the chance? But, heed my warning, if you’re not ready to leave the ‘dating’ scene behind and be with ONE guy and ONE guy alone (not looking for attention from random men), then don’t cross the friend zone. The last thing you want to do is jump into something unprepared and end up cheating. Just like when you go deep sea diving, you get the right equipment, get trained before you do the big dive, and jump in the big blue. And yes, getting into a relationship is like jumping in the big blue, you don’t know what you’ll discover once you get in. But if that person is worth it, you’ll want to go deep sea diving more often, especially if you see the beautiful coral and sea life! You’re only touching the surface right now, baby, there’s a whole ocean full of beautiful you’ll find if you take that dive.


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2 Responses to Taking chances

  1. horny hot says:

    Great blog, did you use wordpress or blogengine? I made few blogs myself 🙂 It takes time but it is worth it!

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