Going back in time

Q: I am an idiot. I made one of the worst mistakes leaving my son’s mother thinking that I could do better. We were having rough times when our son was young and fought all the time. I thought I was doing the right thing leaving her and dating other women. It always started out the same, they seemed sweeter than her, there was a stronger vibe, and I saw a possible future, but with each girl over the last few years, they all ended the same. In the end, I realized they weren’t who I thought they were and I found myself longing back for her. But I knew I couldn’t go back to her, I had messed that one up so bad there was no way she’d take me back. I had cheated on her, told her I would stop, and then continued cheating on her. It was so distressful to her that she ended up quitting her job and taking some time to recover. That was never my intention back then, but I was so selfish and just saw only my own needs. Looking back, I can see why things ended the way they did and why she’s distanced herself so much from me. She doesn’t know I miss our family Christmas’s with our son, our family trips, family dinner, pretty much anything involving the 3 of us. It’s been years since we’ve been together, but when we attend our son’s functions together. We’ve been great at working things out together regarding our son, and I know that she’s different now. We’ve both grown up a lot and I just don’t know where to start. I don’t even know if she’d take me back. But, I want our family to be back together again. I know all these girls I’ve been dating and the guy she’s been dating will never treat our son the way I want. What do I do? Do I take a chance and try? Or do I just keep it in and move on with my life?

A: Are you serious? You sounde whooped and you’re not even with your son’s mom. How does that happen? Pretty strong connection if she can do that to you without being your girlfriend, touching you, or be involved with you romantically. The strongest connections aren’t the physical ones, it’s the emotional ones that don’t involve any kind of romantic physical action. Which is exactly why cheating where this is an emotional connection is stronger than just a random physical act of cheating. You son, have either a very good imagination and heavenly-like recollection of your times with your ex or you are having that regret that comes with the realization of letting something really good go. I’m sure if your ex knew, she’d be reveling in that thought. That is what every person wronged in a breakup wants. Everybody wants that justification for the other person to realize how bad they messed up. Are you sure this is what you want? I mean, I remember the awesome taste of Star Crunch as a child and it was awesome. But the other day when I had one, I was disappointed, it was not what I remembered it to be. For me, it was easy, I just threw that sucker away. But for you, your ‘star crunch’ can’t just be thrown away. You have too much at stake to run in, ‘try’ things and then walk away again. You have 3 lives involved now (you always have actually), and they will be looking to you as the man to lead the family–to unity or separation. I’m a big believer in keeping the family together if it all possible (of course if there are violent situations where this isn’t an option). You have to be sure and totally sure that this is what you want. This is a long discussion that needs to be had between you and her. There are ground rules that have to be rewritten, reconciliation that is needed, and a commitment stronger than anything you had before to work things out for the family. You had your dress rehearsal with her, it’s time to come for the real show with costumes, props, and all. If you can’t give that, then bury those feelings forever and suck it up. It’s all or nothing time. Come or go. Leave or stay. There’s no in between, the in between isn’t healthy for anyone. It’s not star crunch anymore, you have to figure out what you have and if it’s worth putting away all the other dishes for. Break a leg!

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2 Responses to Going back in time

  1. A says:

    Wow this was a great read. I would completely agree. All or nothing, and wish you the best of luck. If it all works out with a lot of forgiveness in the mix this could be something great for everyone. Three cheers for you:) Lots a love.

    • Thank you for the compliments!! Love back atcha!! =) The couple in this post never worked out, but life goes on!! The whole family is still very happy in their situations regardless! Cheers! =)

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