Spun in a web

Q: I’m in such a mess right now, I don’t even know where to begin. The girl I’ve been dating the last few years moved into my parent’s extra room. My parents are very understanding and giving, so they had no problem with it. I had moved to a new city for a new job, so I wasn’t around at all. But my sister would keep me updated on anything she thought was shady, she was really protective over me, so she made sure she was the conduit to spread the news should my girlfriend make a wrong move. I thought my girlfriend and I were doing well, we really trusted each other and were honest, or so I thought. I was faithful to her the entire her time, my friends would always encourage me to talk to other girls, but I didn’t want to. I wasn’t like most guys and didn’t try to try to get away with things with the distance between her and I. We’d talk everyday and not once did she sound like she was being unfaithful. My sister started talking to one of our friends from church and from what it sounded like, they were pretty into each other. They were just getting to know each other, but it sounded promising. Shortly after, I had to take a trip overseas for work, so I was gone for about 10 days. I was so busy, it was hard to stay in touch with each other, but I tried as much as possible. After I came back from my trip and took a trip back home, what I came home to was ridiculous. My girlfriend talked to me when I got back, but she never hinted to any issues. When I got home, I found out from my sister that my girlfriend had messed around with the guy SHE was talking to. I was perplexed. I looked at her and said, ‘you mean under OUR parents house, she made a move on the guy YOU are dating’. She nodded, I almost wanted to throw up. For 1) she betrayed both me and my sister 2) she disrespected my family doing what she did and 3) she never told me the truth, I had to find out from my sister. I finally confronted her and she apologized, but brushed it off as nothing, just a kiss. I’m fed up, that was too much. She wants me to stay with her, but how can I? I can’t trust her anymore. What should I do, stay or go? And if I stay what should I do?

A: Just when you thought you heard it all, you get something from left field! Does this girl have any sense of right and wrong? I mean, some lines should never be crossed. And lying, lying is never okay. Had it been my kids that were involved in such a ugly mess, I would’ve sent her and her kissy self out the door with her suitcase full of what she could pack in 10 second. And then, I’d make sure the door slammed her on the behind on the way out. She should’ve known better than to keep silent when your sister would tell you. I don’t get people sometimes, it never ceases to amaze me what kind of people out there. Obviously you can probably guess what my answer is to your question! First of all, she disrespected your entire family but pulling her little smooth move. In the big scheme of things, that’s a major boo boo on her part. She really put herself in a corner with that move (and not in the corner where you wrap your arms around yourself and act like you’re kissing). Secondly, she lied, that is a big no no, relationships are about trust. And if you can’t trust her, what do you have? Top that with you two being in a long distance relationship and the trust factor is 10x more important. You can’t be there to watch her every move or see her on a daily basis to keep her occupied with you and out of trouble. 3) You have a new life–new job, new city, new friends and a new lifestyle. It may be time to be off with the old and in with the new. You can stay with her and see if she’ll change or watch her do it again. Or you can start with a new slate. I mean, the fact that she has no remorse for the cheating is not a good sign. It makes it seem like it’s okay in her world. You have to decide what you want in your world and if she’s going to fit within that. I don’t know how good your relationship is, but if it’s great and brings everything you need, then it may be worth it to forgive. If it was already rocky, well, the situation didn’t help with that, at all. I feel more like this should be on Jerry Springer, instead of a blog. I’d have to have you say that scenario slowly for me to understand. You weren’t joking when you said you were in a mess. Down in the south, we call that a HOT mess. And well, that isn’t a good thing. Find your way out, decide which direction you want to go, and run for cover should she kiss someone else. Who knows what friends of yours she could go for. The possibilities are endless!

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