Lost Treasures

Q: With each passing day, I don’t know if I can do it anymore. I don’t know if I can live without my ex-girlfriend anymore. We’ve been together for the last six years, she’s stood by my side through everything, even when I was jobless and clueless on what to do with my life. I always told myself that I’d treat her better later. I would constantly tell her that if she changed different things (i.e., attitude, anger, sensitivity, the way she treats my family), then I would be a better boyfriend. She always changed whatever I asked, I knew she loved me and would do anything for me. But, I could never bring myself to change my ways, I was so used to doing things my way, that I didn’t want to change or felt the need to. I was selfish, I know that now, I really had nothing to give her. I don’t know why exactly, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I wanted her to change to make it worth it for me. Over the last couple months, she started getting more and more distant, she wouldn’t talk much and she barely ever tried to see me anymore. I didn’t think much of it, I figured she was just distracted with her family (her brother was really sick with lymphoma) or from work. My attention was elsewhere anyways. I know it sounds terrible, but I was messing around again with a girl who lived out of town this last year. That month, she happened to be in town, so I made it a point to see her when I could. I know I was wrong for that, but I was unhappy and well, the new girl made me feel great. She was a lot more chill and relaxed than my girlfriend, she wasn’t on my case about where I was going or what I was doing. Well, I came to find out later that she was distant that month because she had found out about the other girl. I just tried to defend myself, telling her that I was unhappy and that the other girl meant nothing. She wasn’t as great as my girlfriend, and I tried to tell her that. But, she was fed up and told me it was over. I knew she had put up with a lot from me. She would always complain that I never said please, thank you or sorry. And she was right, I never did. It’s been 3 months since she broke it off. I know she’s dating someone else, she has to be. With all the times we broke it off before, she always came back to me. It has to be because she has a man that she’s not coming back. Should I contact her and try to get her back or should I just move on?

A: Maybe she and maybe she isn’t dating anyone. Or maybe she got so fed up with not being treated well that she moved on. People will do that, you know, sooner or later, people will walk. That includes friends, sometimes family, sometimes if we’re treated bad enough, to keep our sanity, dignity, and self-respect, people leave. Nothing in this world is constant except change. Sooner or later, people’s lives will catch up to them. I’m sure you thought you were probably in the clear cheating on your girlfriend, but you got caught. You can’t undo the hurt you’ve caused, both because of the cheating and even before the cheating ever got revealed. If I were her, I’d go to the ‘Cheaters’ route and bust you hard core. I always liked watching that show. I’m sure you did too, it’s a guilty pleasure for a lot of people. What boggles my mind is why people why the ones they do to cheat with, you risked a girlfriend who loves you for a girl who isn’t as ‘great’ as her. And, the cheating was probably just the straw that broke the camel’s back. If she did find someone else, it probably wasn’t hard for her to find someone who treated her with more respect, care and concern that you did. I mean, I know 5 yr olds who know how to say please, thank you, and I’m sorry, repeatedly. Just because you’re not 5 anymore, doesn’t excuse you from saying it. The girl bent over backwards trying to do everything you asked of her and then you just stayed the same. Relationships aren’t about molding people into what we want, but instead of growing into something great with the both of who you are at the core. I would say you have a lost cause, I swear, I even heard the violins playing at the end of your story earlier. I’d say take it as a lesson in love and life. We all need to treasure the things and people that come into our lives, we never know when they’ll be gone. Respect and truth are at the very basics of every relationship (romantic or not). If those aren’t there, there’s nothing to build on. And just because we’re not ‘happy’ with one person doesn’t give us a free card to totally disregard them and cheat on them. Next time, just do the person a favor and can them if you feel the need to cheat and be unhappy. And a newsflash, there’ll be plenty of times of unhappiness in our lives, but it doesn’t mean we should hurt or stomp on those we love to undo that. Talking about it, compromising, and doing it together would’ve taken you a long way as opposed to the situation you’re in now. Good luck in your next relationship, and 3 last words for you–please, sorry, and thank you.

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