Picking up on mommy

Q: I recently met this hot guy at a local restaurant while I was out on a girl’s night out dinner. I don’t usually meet guys in random scenarios like that, but he seemed nice enough. So when he asked for my number, I willingly gave it. I had just broke it off with my ex a month ago, so I was ready for a change and to get on with my life. I was especially ready to get on with my single life. He called me a few days later and we ended up talking for an hour. I can’t remember him talking much, that tends to happen since I’ve been told I talk a lot. That was actually one of the quirks my ex disliked about me, he complained that I talked too much. He liked it quiet every now and then, and I tended to fill up every second with conversation. So, anyways, the guy seemed to listen to everything I said and he was intrigued by me. He mentioned to me that we should go out sometime, I mumbled something about it being a good idea too. But, I was a little hesitant, I didn’t usually go out with a guy I had only talked to twice. He had to go, so he told me he’d call me again tomorrow. And like he said, he called me again. This time we talked for a few hours. He did talk this time, and I found out he was 28 and had never been in a serious relationship. This sent off red flags in my book and I questioned what I was doing. He also mentioned he was going away to the Army National Guard in 6 months, and another red flag went off. The conversation was still interesting, I started thinking he may be better off to keep as a friend. I mean, what was I going to do with a guy who was leaving in 6 months. I’m the kind of girl who gets into long term relationships, so I didn’t know what to think about this guy anymore. He had to go again, and again, he told me he’d call me the next day. The next day went from bad to horrendous. I was having a bad day at work already when I got a call from one of my good girl friends. I could tell from the tone in her voice that she had some grim news. I pressed her to tell me and she finally broke the news. One of our good friends whom we had befriended this last year, was now dating my ex. My heart dropped, it had only been a month since my ex and I had broken up. There was no way in a month they had suddenly just started dating and talking. My ex wasn’t the type to jump into anything. I felt the tears jerk at my eyes, my friend apologized up and down, feeling so bad for me. But, I just told her thanks for telling me the news and I told her I needed to go. I hung up the phone and 2 seconds later, the new guy called. I could barely comprehend what he was saying, my head was just swarming with thoughts. And then I blurted out that we should go out sometime. He mentioned a date and time and I chimed in with my favorite restaurant where I had a friend who worked at the sushi bar there. The date came, I chattered the whole time with him and my friend working at the sushi bar. I saw him glance over at the girl next to us and I got a little irritated thinking he was checking her out. But, he quickly told me that her kid was so cute. I looked over and saw a cute little kid jabbering to his mom about what he wanted to order. I dismissed my jealousy and we laughed at how cute the kid was. All throughout dinner he would continually glance over and laugh. He mentioned he liked kids, so I figured it was nothing. I went off to the restroom and when I came back, my friend gave me a weird look that I couldn’t figure out. She told me to call her and glanced over at the guy I was with. I wanted to know right then and there what it was about. I waited though til I got home and messaged her. She messaged back telling me my date had gotten the mother of the kid’s number. I was shocked. I couldn’t believe it. Do I call this guy and tell him off? Do I talk to him again? Should I even consider talking to him again? He mentioned going on another date, should I even consider?

A: Let’s see, I’d say: no, no, no, no. Easy enough. Just say no!!! I learned that in elementary school a long time ago. Granted, they’re talking about recreational drug use, but still, I think it still applies. Just try it with me. No! No! No! No! And this isn’t that Beyonce song line saying ‘no no no no when it’s really yeah yeah yeah yeah’. No, really, it’s no. No! Yeah! No! Nope, negative, nuh uh, not happening, uh no… You get it. No? Yeah, you do. Seriously though, let’s get to the skinny. Okay, first of all, you accepted a date with this new guy out of anger after hearing the news with your ex. And this is even after you had red flags go off in your head! Dating out of revenge or anger is never a good thing. On top of that, a month out of a relationship is a very vulnerable time, I’m not surprised you were intrigued by this new guy. It’s new, exciting, and different from your ex. But, new, exciting, and different doesn’t always translate into something good for us. I mean this guy is on the prowl, that’s for sure. He’s not even done with one date and he’s shooting to get another. An no less, on top of that she was with her kid and he picked up on her! Date + kid, and that didn’t stop him. I mean, the guy’s not obligated to you by any means, it was a first date. But, he could’ve at least been discrete about it and not be obvious enough for your friend working there to see. Geez, some people think they’re really slick and miss one HUGE important aspect like that. I know you’re probably lonely and want to go out with someone again, but it’s not worth it. One, you’re in a vulnerable place like I mentioned, and you’ve also got a friendship that is in shambles because of your ex, plus all the betrayal that comes with that. You’ve got a lot going on with yourself. I say you get it all together, deal with it, and lay low on the dating scene. Trust me, there is a plethora of guys around, they’re not going anywhere. And when you come back for air, you’ll find more guys and with time, guys that are definitely better than your ex and Mr. Slick that you went out on a date with. Time and patience, that’s what a heart needs at a time like this.


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