Being a friend

Q: My boyfriend and I hang out with another couple, his best friend and my good girl ‘friend’, whom we set up together. She claims that we’re really good friends and she loves me, but lately I’m starting to doubt that. I really question what her intentions are. One day he was text messaging all day and finally it just bugged me that I asked who he was texting. Well, it happened to be his best friend’s girlfriend. I told him to hand over the phone so I could see their texts and what I saw bugged the crap out of me. I saw texts like ‘You’re so cute’, ‘When are you gonna visit me at work’, ‘Do you wear boxer briefs’, ‘When are you gonna take me to lunch’, and my two best favorites, ‘Wanna go lingerie shopping with me’ and ‘Will you go with me shopping to pick out a new swimsuit’. I was livid! Why the heck does she have to flirt with MY man when she already has her man! And on top of that, she and I are supposed to be friends!! I was pissed, they’ve been text messaging like that for a while. I even went out of town for a couple weeks to Europe and checked my facebook while I was there. I was appalled at what I found! I found pictures of her leaning her head on his shoulder while they’re at the pool, multiple similar ones in the car, and a bunch of pics of them together one night with her boyfriend nowhere in sight! I was fuming and the same thing happened again twice more before I returned from my trip. When I saw her after coming back, she acts as if nothing happens and is super affectionate with her boyfriend. I’m not sure whether to confront or what. What should I do? What should I say?

A: Fight time! I love a cat fight. In fact, who doesn’t love a cat fight! You’re right to question her friendship. She needs to go elsewhere to get attention, better yet, she shouldn’t be getting attention elsewhere but should be satisfied with what her boyfriend does for her. You should definitely confront her, but only AFTER you confront your boyfriend about his behavior. There are a few things you can say, first off would be that you don’t appreciate her flirty behavior with your boyfriend–in both the pictures and the text messages, second, I would mention that she wouldn’t appreciate if you returned the favor and acted the same way with HER boyfriend, and third, I would question her about her intentions. No friend and no girl should behave like that toward your boyfriend, it’s uncalled for and not respectful of you. Albeit, some couples are okay with this and secure enough to not be concerned, but obviously you don’t fall into that category. But, probably more important of all, is why your BOYFRIEND is allowing this and actually participating in these texts. For the same reasons she shouldn’t be texting him, those apply to him as well. If he respects you and the relationship, then he shouldn’t be texting her the way he does. If you haven’t already, you really need to have a talk with him. It takes two to have a flirty relationship that and he can’t claim innocence or ignorance in this matter. Just as she seeks a need with her behavior with him, he is also trying to meet some need of his. If you let him get away with this, who knows who else he’ll talk to or what level he’ll take it next to. It’s time to squash that behavior and squash it quick, if he really cares about you, then he should change his behavior. If it means not hanging out with them as a couple anymore, so be it. Personally, I wouldn’t continue the friendship with her, girls that tend to overstep boundaries like that to get attention are not trustworthy in my book. Set your ‘friend’ straight and get your boyfriend to act right.

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2 Responses to Being a friend

  1. renxkyoko says:

    OMG, I’m sorry to say this, but both your BF and Girlfriend are having an affair and your BF is cheating ! ! ! And both are being in tentionally brazen and open about it, so that I’m thinking, they’re giving you hints, and it’s up to you to act on it. they don’t respect you anymore. Why don’t you talk to her boyfriend? Your BF is equally guilty and he doesn’t respect you anymore … not you as a person, but as a girlfriend. He doesn’t care anymore ! ! I’m sorry to say this… but reading this, it made me livid, as well ! !

    • Yes, no doubt. Thanks for the feedback. The girl actually ended up breaking it off with him. The boyfriend never did fess up to cheating, but she got fed up with his all around disrespectful behavior. To this day, the ‘friend’ is still doing the same thing with him. Funny how people try to have it all. It’ll catch up to her one day, it always does. And I have no idea why her boyfriend tolerates her behavior, too trusting I suppose. The girl in the story has since moved on and is now dating and meeting healthy guys in healthy relationships. Definitely good for her!

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