Far flung

Q: I had the greatest week of my life earlier this month. I live in Augusta, but I was in Atlanta for a week for work. A month earlier when I was in Charleston visiting some friends, I happened to meet this guy. He was a friend of a friend, so naturally, I felt a little safer with the idea of him. The Saturday night before I left, we went dancing. He and I spent the whole night dancing. He kept raving all night about how great a dance I was. I felt on top of the world, I’ve never had a guy flatter me so much. The next day when we were getting ready to leave, he told me if I was ever in Atlanta, to give him a call. I thought how could he was harmless, he was a friend of a friend, so I thought he was someone I could trust. So, I let my guard down more than usual. A week later at work, they told us we would be taking a week long trip to Atlanta to do some work on a big project there. I was stoked, I would get to hang out with this guy again. I gave him a call to tell him the news. As soon as I told him about my trip to Atlanta, he got excited and started talking about plans. He talked about taking me down to Buckhead to his favorite pizza place, Six Flags, and going dancing. I was excited. Once the trip finally came, I gave him a call and told him I’d be there that evening at my hotel north of Atlanta. He told me to give him a call when I got there and he would meet me at my hotel so we could go grab dinner. I was really digging this guy, he was making me feel extra special and giving me the attention I liked. So, once I got there and called him, just like he said he met me at my hotel. He picked me up and took me to a local restaurant. We had great conversation and he paid for all the food and drinks. Things were looking up. He took me back to my hotel and we sat by the pool. We sat cuddling and looking up at the stars, he asked me if I had ever chosen a star with someone. I hadn’t and he told me to pick one. I chose one, and he glanced at me and told me we should chose the moon. And that’s how he stole his first kiss. He then told me to close my eyes and as I did, he put a stuffed animal in my hands. I opened my eyes and it was a beanie baby dog. I squealed and gave him a big hug. And that was pretty much how wonderful the rest of the week went. I was bummed when the last day came, but he told me to come up and visit him another weekend. I couldn’t wait til I saw him again, so as soon as I got home I checked my calendar. I planned a trip for 2 weeks out and talked it over with him. It sounded good on both ends, so I set aside the dates. We continued to talk everyday for a few hours before that weekend came up. We share a lot about ourselves and weren’t short of anything to talk about. The weekend finally came up and once I got there, I could sense he was a little different. When I asked him if everything was okay, he mumbled a yes. He told me to go ahead and get ready for dinner because we were going to his ex-girlfriend’s best friend’s birthday dinner. I looked at him puzzled and he told me they had the same set of friends so he had to go. I know his ex and he had just broken up a month before, so I was a little concerned. I got changed and put on my best outfit, after all we were going to see his ex, so I wanted to be in my best. Once we got there, it started. We sat down and then out of nowhere he moved way across the end of the table. I thought he was just talking to friends and I just sat there silent because I knew no one there. Well, the rest of the night, he stayed there and not even once looked at me. He finally came back to me and without a word, he motioned for me to leave with him. We sat in the car silent the whole time. I couldn’t believe this had all happened. I didn’t do or say anything and our last conversation before I came up was fine. He didn’t allude to any problems or issues with us or me coming up there. Once we got back to his place, I went to the bedroom and changed. When I walked back out, he was gone. He was roommate was sitting on the couch. I glanced over at him and asked where he had gone, to which he shrugged his shoulders. I tried calling him the next few hours and there was no response or return call. My mind was racing at what could’ve possibly been that bad that he would do this. At 2am, he still wasn’t back. I walked out to the kitchen to grab a drink and saw his roommate still sitting there watching tv. I tried to ask the roommate about him and he just kept saying I don’t know. He had a look of compassion as if this had happened before and I knew that he wasn’t coming back that night. It was too late to leave, but decided I’d get the hell out of there in the morning. When I awoke, not surprisingly, he wasn’t there. I packed up hastily and took off. He finally called well into an hour of my drive and when I asked him where he went, he told me with his ex. I fumed, this guy had some nerve. I hung up the phone and haven’t talked to him since. I’m not sure what to do. Should I talk to him about this? Should I just forget about it? Should I still continue talking to him?

A: The moon!!!!! Are you kidding me? This guy has player written all over him. Who knows how many times he’s told other girls the moon is their ‘star’. Shoot, the moon is big enough for him to share with all the ladies and more. And, just to be precise here, the moon isn’t a star. It’s a moon. But, well, the sun is a star. I’m sure he would’ve chosen that star had it been sunny out. Of course that’s the hugest star, but at the same time, it’ll burn the hell out of you. Sorry to say baby, but you had a fling, plain and simple. The problem with flings is that if both people don’t know it’s a fling, then well, it’s not fair. I wish there was an easy way I could tell you on how to know if it’s a fling or not, but there really isn’t. Every situation is different. The moon and the beanie baby are pretty good indicators. I mean, unless the guy is a total moosh, that’s borderline player side. Not every player uses those tactics, but don’t ever ever ever ever let your guard down even if he’s a friend of a friend. That applies for guys to gals as well. I mean, what can you possibly really know about a guy in a week? Everybody (usually, but some people can’t even do that) can behave for a week, true colors can’t be hidden for long. As for talking to the guy, I say let it go. He did you wrong. You drove all the way up there to spend time with this monkey and he 1) ignores you at the birthday dinner and then 2) leaves you alone to go with his ex. If you still continue talking to him after that, you give off the vibe that 1) it’s okay to disrespect you, 2) he can get away with things with you and run all over you, and 3) he can have his cake and eat it too. I know you had a great week with the guy, but a guy who disses you like that early on is not good news. If he can do that, I’m sure he’s got more of where that came from. And next time, let homeboy visit YOU, you gotta make the guy work for it. You’re the woman, you’ve got to put your foot down and set the stage for how he should treat you, not just for now, but for the future, should there be anything more. And trust me, if the guy really wants you and not just to play with you, he’ll make that effort. Let the guy visit you. If you want to have a fling, go for it, ride that as long as you can, but know what you’re getting yourself into. It’s something just for the moment and nothing more. But, if you’re truly wanting more than that, hold out for something more concrete and real. They’re out there, trust me.

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