Dating World Series (Part II)

Special multiple series posts, original part I can be found at:  https://smalltowndating.wordpress.com/2011/10/29/dating-world-series-part-i/

QUESTION: 

It’s me again, needing more help in the same guy situation with Navy school boy.  We continued text messaging back and forth each day, less than we did initially.  But, we still talk.  We finally went out last night and it was great!!  I was with a bunch of friends at our local spot for a couple hours and when he finally got out of class he messaged me that he was ready when I was to pick him up (he had left his car in Hawaii while he was stationed here).  He was so considerate asking me if i was okay to drive and how many drinks I had.  When I finally picked him up, it was just as natural to be around him as it was the first time.  Somehow my father came up again and he started telling me about his grandmother that has passed a couple years before.  It was unusual to share so much with someone I’d only known for a few weeks and had only been around once before, but I just went with it.  When we finally back to the bar, I introduced him to my friends and they all grinned, seemingly to approve of the one guy I actually decided to bring around.  He ended up taking care of all my drinks and all the games we played.  The night was great, I knew he was interested.  He did make me second guess him when he told me, ‘You can trust me.’  I replied, ‘I can trust you?’  To which, his response was, ‘Totally’.  I’m not sure what to think of that one.  We cuddled, hugged, and were affectionate, it felt like everything was great to me.  We ended up leaving the bar and heading out to the pier a few blocks away.  It was kind of a romantic gesture and I just laid my head on his shoulder as we sat there.  After that we headed to a really good local late night breakfast place and our great conversation continued.  Before the check even came, he glanced over at me and assuredly told me he would take care of it.  Drinks and dinner paid for–it was a good sign in my book.  By then it was already almost 4 in the morning and we headed back to the base to drop him off.  We sat in the parking lot and talked for a little bit.  Somewhere during the conversation, he described how tough his school was and how he had heard stories of how guys usually had no life.  Then he shocked me when he said, ‘Yeah, and then at the end of it, they end up marrying a girl from here at the end of school’.  I had to keep my jaw from dropping, I had no idea what he was implying or why he was exactly telling me this.  I knew he was smarter than to just talk randomly like that.  We hugged and said our goodbyes.  Of course, I had a good feeling about that, but over the last 2 weeks, we have rarely talked.  Whenever I asked him about it, he’d tell me he’s busy with school.  In the middle of all this, we were suddenly competitors as his Cardinals were up against my Rangers in the World Series.  It was game on and we would have playful banter about the game.  He was a fan of the Cardinals since childhood, so he was a die hard fan and I wasn’t sure if the days I didn’t hear from him were the days when we the ones winning the games and we were ahead 3-2.  Finally, I had asked him a question about hanging out again on Tuesday and by Thursday I had not heard back from him.  So, I just laid it out there and sent him a text saying:  ‘I like you, I thought things went well when we went out that night and we were vibing.  But we haven’t gone out since that night.  I know you’re busy with school, I understand that.  But I’m just a little confused as to what happened?’  It’s been 2 days now and he hasn’t responded.  Should I give up?  What could I have possibly done wrong?

A:  Well, welcome back.  We love dating and we love giving advice, so feel free to come back as many times you’d like.  Dating is one of those topics that can never get old!  Although we wish people much happiness in their journeys in the dating world and ultimately lead to bliss.  But, we know unicorns don’t exist and are world isn’t always full of ponies and rainbows.  Sometimes, things just don’t work out.  And dear, this is one of the times.  I know the last entry you sent it, we didn’t give you a total red light on this one.  But this time, we give you a red light and a huge, capital STOP to go along with it.  It’s time to put on the brakes girl.  This guy is doing anything but chasing you around, he’s doing just slightly enough to keep you around.  But, keeping someone around isn’t fair and being kept around does not equate to something worthwhile or meaningful.  Unless you thrive yourself on being rejected and pushed aside, you need to move on.  I definitely don’t buy his school excuse at all.  I know people who are in medical and law school who have find time to date and be with their significant other, maybe this guy just has a relationship with his books.  Who knows!  As far as knowing what you did wrong, I wouldn’t punish yourself thinking you did something wrong.  Things happen, people gel, others don’t.  It could be a number of things that obviously caused him to lose attraction since your little date.  Maybe you said something wrong, maybe he didn’t agree with something you said or handled a situation.  Shoot, he could be talking to another girl back home in Hawaii, maybe he’s dating 2,3,4 girls in his Navy class.  I could go on and on about the possibilities, but there’s no sense if you beating up yourself that you did something wrong.  Pick yourself up girl, there’s some other guy who’ll appreciate who you are, a guy who knows that he wants a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and more dates with you after the first.  Believe it, otherwise you’ll be stuck chasing these lost cases feeling empty and rejected, staring at the slammed door and wondering what’s behind there, why it closed, how slowly it closed, etc.  You get the picture.  In life, there’s times when we just don’t know, and we have to throw up our hands and say we don’t know.  And, I know in your mind, you’re probably tossing that whole night around in your head, especially the ‘marry a girl from here after the end of school’, let it go sister.  Why in the world he would say such a thing is beyond me.  He gets a big FAIL for saying that at all.  In fact, you might’ve been to be the one to run after that comment.  First date and the mention of marriage is like mixing oil and water.  It doesn’t go.  My last comment on the previous post was to let Navy batter up.  Girl, this boy doesn’t even have a bat.  Just give him some peanuts and cracker jacks and let him sit in the stands.  You’ve got a real game to win, #4 of the World Series where your team can at least smash his Cardinals out of the water.  Don’t date that fluffy bird, hop on its back and fly on to something else.  Go Rangers!

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