Move on Time

Q: It’s me again, I was the girl who was partying a lot and my ex moved our daughter out of state. Well, I didn’t really take your advice and I just kept up my partying lifestyle. I was just so hurt that my daughter was not with me so I would go out just to take my mind off things. Six months have gone by since I’ve had any contact with my ex. And out of the blue he sent me these texts:

HIM: Hey! =) The holidays are coming up fast and I know you’d like to see your daughter. So please let me know what you want to do so we can prepare for it and fit it in our schedule. I hope we can figure something out, I would like for her to spend some part of her holiday break with you. Take care.

HIM: Just let me know when you get a chance and have it figured out. The sooner, the better. Christmas break is Dec 16 – Jan 3.

I was so pissed off. He’s ignored me the last 6 months and then he just pops back in my life like it’s nothing. I’ve been miserable without my daughter and he thinks Christmas break is good enough. And he thinks he and I are supposed to just be cool and start talking again. He was always up to some hidden motive, so I was not gonna fall for it this time. So I just ignored him and didn’t respond. The next morning I awoke to seeing this text:

HIM: And fyi, I don’t want you get it twisted. From here on out, all I have to say to is you about our daughter, her well-being and NOTHING more. Let’s just treat this like a BUSINESS relationship and just handle our business. Please only respond via text or email only. It’s best for everybody if we just please keep things going the way are and don’t call me. Thanks. =)

I was crushed, I’m pretty sure he’s found another girl. I mean, I’m obviously not even a thought for him. Even though I didn’t treat him the best, I still held out hope because he was the best guy I had found, was comfortable with, and we already have a family together. I just ignored that one text and it’s been a few weeks now. I don’t know if I should try to move there and get back with him. Or what I’m supposed to do?

A: Your daughter is not your life, you are your life. I am sure you miss your daughter dearly, but she doesn’t need you to feel sorry for yourself. She needs you to take care of you, and then and only then can you truly live the selfless life of a parent. You chose to have the lifestyle you did and still continue to have. Your child needs you to set all that aside and concentrate on how you will take care of your daughter from a distance. It can be done, with just a little brainstorming and planning, anything is possible. And you better jump on that Christmas vacation time, otherwise you’ll find yourself hurting again when January rolls around because you didn’t see your daughter.

Sorry, last time I checked you can’t half a child, so you’re just gonna have to learn to make do with the distance. People before you have figured it out and you’re not the first to have this situation. It’s obvious that there’s no hope for a romantic relationship with your ex. He’s made that clear and that he’s moved on. Whether or not he has a girlfriend is really not your concern. You’ve been out of the loop for 6 months, it’s not really your place to start spouting off demands on meeting the girlfriends that your daughter is meeting. Granted, it sounds like neither one of you were very mature by not talking for 6 months. You may not like each other, but for your daughter, you’ve got to rise above that. I guess he’s realized that and it’s your time to let go of your relationship expectations, i.e., you shouldn’t even be thinking about a relationship with him. That is the last of your concerns. Put yourself aside and your sadness, and have that healthy relationship with your ex. You’ll be in each other’s lives for the rest of your daughter’s life, so the sooner you put everything behind and move on, the better for everybody. Sometimes, we adults can actually be the ones who are children when it comes to parenting issues. Only, your child can’t spank you as an adult. Well, they can’t really do anything to you as an adult. But, there’s a time and place for everything, and when the music stops, you find a new song. I’m sorry you have to go through this, it’s never easy, but if you start thinking and stop feeling, you’ll have the strength to go on.

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