Missed Dates

QUESTION: I met a really great guy through a friend the day before Thanksgiving. We clicked really well. We went late night eating afterwards and he paid for both my sister and I. He complimented me all night on how beautiful I was and even my friends talked about how into me he seemed. We had a lot in common as far as having the same college degree, both really motivated, and had strong family ties. His family ties were so strong, he was leaving the next day to visit his family in Atlanta. When he dropped me off that night he asked when he would see me again and I said he could call me when gets back in town. I didn’t really think this guy was serious or if he would actually follow through, so I just held it with a grain of salt. The next day I messaged him to make sure he got there okay and he was so sweet when he replied thanking me for asking and calling me baby girl. We messaged each other everyday while he was gone and he kept telling me he was missing me. I didn’t want to say such things, but finally after he showed that he was really interested and had fed me a bunch of compliments, I broke and told him I was missing him too. He told me I was a great welcome home for him and the night before he came home he tried to schedule a late lunch date with me for as soon as when he came back in town. We said 4:00, but then he ended up leaving late cause he drank too much the night before and his 5 hour trip home turned into a 9 hour trip because of all the Thanksgiving traffic. I was so upset, I hate flakers and I just don’t know whether I should give this guy another chance or if it’s worth it. Should I? He told me he’d make it up to me, but I don’t know if I want to count on that. I know how guys have empty promises and I like to cut off guys asap. I really like the guy, but I’m not sure what to do with him now?

ANSWER: Okay, the guy tried, it sounds like he had a failed attempt at trying to schedule something with you. While that sucks, although I believe in cutting people off asap, some people do make honest mistakes. And planning to meet upon arrival from a trip home is never a guarantee or a good idea. I know you want to hold the guy to a strict standard, but give the guy some slack, especially since you like him. I mean, the guy contacted you everyday while he was gone and he’s only met you once. That’s really not a normal thing. And I mean that in a good way because it’s a good sign. He could’ve just as easily used the excuse that he was too busy on vacation to bother with you. But for whatever reason, you made an impression on him enough for him to make time for you. And you must tell me your secret, I can honestly say I’ve never had that much of an impact on a guy who I met once. But then again, I do never leave the house and I sit here writing you and others responses. So, I suppose leaving the house is a first step. Anyhow, maybe he’s a player, who knows, but if you like the guy, give him a chance. Not many chances, that’s not what I’m talking about but let him be. Get to know the guy. Don’t be so afraid of ’empty promises’ that you just cut him off without looking back when you know you feel a connection. People make mistakes, no doubt, but you have to look at his overall behavior. Does he make time for you? Yes, he does. Does he appreciate you? Yes, he said thank you and call you baby girl (I like that one btw, it makes me feel all cozy inside). Does he seem into you? Yes, you met the guy once and you’ve talked to him everyday since (that makes me feel all cozy inside too). Shoot I like the guy and I haven’t met him, just get to know him, that’s it. That’s part of the dating game, getting to know people. It’s not a race to see how many people we can cut off asap. It’s about understanding yourself, understanding others, and coming to the realization of where those 2 intersect. If you have fear in dating, don’t date and don’t bother. Because in dating, it’s an all out battlefield, you’ll get stomped on, squashed, squeezed, tickled…sorry, don’t know where tickled came from. You win and you lose in dating. But you will always lose if you never give anyone a chance.

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