No Takebacks

QUESTION:

I left my ex of 8 yrs about 2 yrs ago with our 2 daughters. We moved out of Cali and back to Hawaii where my family is from. I got fed up with his casual parenting. He would only show up when he felt like it and didn’t have plans with his friends. Parenting our daughters became a matter of convenience than a sacrifice and responsibility. I ‘loaned’ him money to buy his car, which he never repaid. He lived with me for almost 5 yrs (since we had our twin daughters) without paying rent and not so much as paying an electric bill. On a physical level, we’re great. Outside the bedroom, the most we can agree on is where to take our family out for dinner. He didn’t even change his status on Facebook status to ever say we were in a relationship. His mom doesn’t like me and insults my parenting skills daily but has not a peep for her son who can’t even wake up to feed the girls breakfast. I held out hope for so long for him to change but got fed up. I’m in a better place now here in Hawaii. But I’ve made attempts the last 6 months to fix our co-parenting relationship, but he’s ignored every single one. He only calls the girls once every 2 weeks and doesn’t ask for pictures or school updates. And I just found out he has a new girlfriend. I am so angry that he makes time for a girlfriend but not his daughters. Part of me blames myself and wonders if I should try to keep the family together. Should I move back there? I feel like I’ll never find anyone now that I’m in 30’s. What should I do? Should I contact him?

ANSWER:

I rarely say this but this is one of those times when I say ‘HELL NO’. I’m sorry but you didn’t list one good reason why he deserves to have any of you guys in his life! You gave him a pure gift of being with his daughters until they were 5 when he didn’t man up. I’m sorry but having your woman pay for your car, housing and the like, that is just BS! Sorry. You handed him everything on a platter and now that you’re gone, he’s just as likely moved on. I’m sorry honey, but he’s ignored you for 6 months. He could care less really to stay in touch. He’s definitely too immature to set aside issues to deal with the bigger issues which is co-parenting. You might as well go back and have 3 kids with his immature butt being the 3rd. I know being a single parent sucks, I get it. But, someone who doesn’t even treat you like you exist as a human being isn’t someone you need in your life. So what if he has a new girlfriend, let her deal with it. And why she would want some guy who’s not involved with his kids is beyond me. Obviously, she doesn’t understand the gravity of the issue or he’s filled her head with BS. You really need to stay where you are stable and have people to count on. I know it sucks to have the girls grow up without their dad, but honestly they might be better off without someone so toxic in their life. And just think they’ll grow up seeing him treat you with less than respect, that may be what they come to expect in their future choice of men. Be glad that you have total control in this matter and don’t have to work with someone who disagrees with you on parenting. Let him go, you’re better off. You and the girls deserve better than that. He’s the one losing out. I’ll take the live of my children over a relationship any day, if I had to choose. Obviously, the dude never learned how to prioritize and to be responsible, that’s on him and his new girlfriend to deal with. Give him deuces and throw some diapers over the fence for him to remember what he lost! Sorry guy, you make em, you raise em! Otherwise, stay out of the way!

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