Friends with Benefits Relationship

 

QUESTION:

I have a friend who has a guy friend who she has been hanging out with for over a month.  She is interested in having something more with this guy.  But, unfortunately, their relationship started out as a ‘friends with benefits’ hookup and is still that way now. They hang out for a few hours about once a week, maybe see a movie or have dinner.  But they most definitely have sex. They always have plenty of great sex. Did she ruin any chance at a real relationship since they have already hooked up and  established that they were friends with benefits from the beginning? How does she go about changing their relationship from just a hookup to something more?

AUBREY: 

Wow, she kind of screwed herself over here, because it sounds like she has an open relationship with him.  And most likely she is not his only hookup.  Right now, he most likely just thinks of her for sex…unfortunately. I would let her know that first she needs to stop making their relationship about sex.  She could maybe hold out a little on him. She can start doing small things for him that she would not normally do, like making him dinner instead of going out.  Or maybe complimenting him on traits other than his looks. Make an effort to go out more than just once a week too.  And drop subtle (and I do mean subtle) hints about how she does like him. However, she needs to be prepared, because he may not want the same thing as her and she may just scare him off.  This is a risk she will have to take if she wants more.

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