Lightning Fast

QUESTION:

I’ve been talking to this great guy for the last few months. The other day we got into a disagreement and being the persistence person I am, I kept probing him as to what he was thinking. Some other things were said and he told me he couldn’t provide the life I deserved in the future. I was crushed and I couldn’t let it go. I freaked out because he was so amazing. We had a really strong bond and I felt blindsided with how he was cutting things off. I know we had rushed into things, we had already talked about having babies and life would be like when we’re married. I tell him everything. And embarrassingly, I cried after the 3rd day of talking some terrible things that happened in my past. Surprisingly he stayed up until 5am that night talking to me and we continued to talk after that. The next 5 days we went over and over discussing our situation. We eventually got worn out. And now we’re talking again as frequently as we did before every morning, all throughout the day, and at night. This has been going on for a few weeks since that initial talk of cutting things off. The only thing that’s different is that we don’t talk about babies and marriage anymore. He says we’re just getting to know each other instead of talking. Should I let him go? What does he mean by ‘just getting to know each other’? What kind of title is that?

ELLE:

Wow, third day and crying? It’s a miracle you didn’t scare the guy off those first few days. He must REALLY like you to stick around. But it sounds like he’s getting worn down at the lightning speed you two have been traveling. It honestly sounds like you’re both at fault here. You guys let yourselves get carried away in the ooey gooey and mushy things. This isn’t high school anymore. This is the real world where you have to take into account factors like trust, taking care of each other, the future, and eventually finances. All of those take time to get to and there really is no reason to rush. You cannot rush getting to know someone. Although you guys may have felt close, there’s only so much you can already be close about. It really takes time to see how a person really is. You can’t rush the good things in life. But, yes, you should be choosy about what you say to him. He’s not one of your girlfriends and shouldn’t be told every detail of your past, or every thought, or about all your girlfriends’ romantic lives. And honey, if you guys are still acting the same as you were before, then titles aren’t really a big thing. As long as he’s consistent and is devoted to you, in due time, I’m sure the title will come. Just enjoy your time together and each moment, worrying about the future or things to come is a useless place to put your energy. And good call on not talking about babies and marriage anymore. Trust me, there’s plenty of time to do that, you don’t want to be worrying about the future now. What you have is today, so make the most of it!

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3 Responses to Lightning Fast

  1. Pingback: 26th Edition of the Carnival of Online Dating | DatingWithaSecret.com

  2. Pingback: Online Dating Sites » Blog Archive » 26th Edition of the Carnival of Online Dating

  3. I do like the way you have presented this issue and it does present me some fodder for consideration. However, from just what I have observed, I really wish as other comments pile on that individuals keep on issue and in no way get started on a soap box regarding some other news du jour. Still, thank you for this excellent piece and although I do not really go along with the idea in totality, I regard your perspective.

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