Random Q & A (Part IX)

QUESTION

I am really into this guy I’ve been dating and we’ve been holding out so we can just take it slow. Now we’re talking about making the plunge. I’ve never waited this long for a guy I’ve been dating, will it totally change everything or screw it up.

ARIANA

You’re absolutely right, sex is definitely a part of life. It’s also an important component in relationships, not the most important component, but still important. I think putting too much emphasis on sex also demonstrates maturity. Only through experience, growth, discipline, and maturity can you honestly appreciate the importance of finding the right person. Which is totally different than experiencing it from a selfish standpoint and only being concerned on fulfilling a basic need. Everyone’s different though. How it changes will depend on how strong your intimate bond is and how true your feelings are for each other.

SLICK RICK

The important thing is the fact that you have BOTH been talking about holding off on ‘taking the plunge’. It Lol. Yes. A stretch. Laying on ur back with legs spread is a stretch. I’ll add that to my stretch down workout. U can do whatever u want to me, the pleasure is worth the temporary pain. This is a big step that both of you have been taking together. Doing this makes sure you have a strong relationship that isn’t solely based on sex. While sex is natural and important in relationships, it is not the most important physical aspect. You must be sure you and your partner are at a stable point in your relationship. So that you’re able to take the next step, without it causing any issues. Everyone’s relationship is different, so it is difficult to say whether it will cause repercussions, if you do engage in sex. The safest way to guarantee that you are ready is to discuss sex with your partner. Be sure you are both ready before taking the plunge. If only one of you is truly ready, it may create instability in the relationship.
QUESTION

The girl I’ve been dating and I have been messing around the last several weeks. We never went all the way because she told me she wanted to wait on that, so I waited. But last night, we were very intimate and I was getting mixed signals for her. So, I decided to go for it. The next morning, she stormed out of my apartment and told me ‘you should find another girl for sex’, as she stormed out. I feel really bad and she won’t respond to my texts or calls. I apologized but just ignored me.

ARIANA
It’s a good thing you apologized, but if she can’t accept your sincerity, then she lost out on a great guy who really cares for her. You’re human, people make mistakes, especially guys in moments of weakness. If she can’t accept that, she’s got a lot to learn that you can’t teach her by yourself. Give her a few days to calm down and have a conversation with her. She probably may have overreacted, so you should talk things over.

SLICK RICK

Honestly, that is a tough decision you decided to make in the heat of the moment. I can’t say I blame you because it is difficult to interpret signals in the heat of the moment. It sounds like your heart and mind are in the right frame of mind and she isn’t just a ‘booty call’. My question to you is, ‘how much did you two discuss waiting before engaging in sex’? I know when some women say ‘I want to wait’, they mean they want to wait a little while. They want to get to know you and feel out the relationship before just getting down to ‘business’. While still others mean ‘I truly am waiting for marriage’. I know it may be hard to believe, but there really are some women who are still are very traditional. These women truly want to be married before having sex. I have no idea whether your lady friend is that type of woman or not. But, if she is, she might think you didn’t respect her enough to wait. From what it sounds like, you seem to be a decent, respectable guy and she simply overreacted. My best advice is to give her a day of space to cool off and then give her a call to explain your side to her. Make sure you also give her a chance to express her side as well. If she wants to ‘wait’ for marriage, you have to decide if that’s what you want. If it is what you want, express that to her and see how she feels. If she continues to give you grief, get upset about it, won’t take your calls, it might be time to explore other options unfortunately.

QUESTION
I’m so sick of seeing my ex-boyfriend get everything he wants. He is a charmer and is very good looking so he always finds a way to get what he wants. He’s dumb as a doornail, but happens to attract nice, good looking women, like me. Women that he can’t take care of or appreciate. And I’m sick of watching it. I’ve had so many hardships the last 10 years and his life is so easy. Why do people get off so easy and spoiled?

ARIANA

You can’t only blame the spoiled person for getting what they want. You also have to blame the people giving the spoiled person what they want. That’s just not being realistic and honest with yourself by blaming them. If I was hurt by someone I can’t only blame them if I continue to let them hurt me. People have a tendency to take the easy way out and place the blame on someone else but people only do what you allow them to. If you don’t like it, don’t put up with it, and don’t give them what they don’t deserve.

SLICK RICK
Unfortunately, the way of the world is easier for some than others. Some people have all the luck, whether it be in the dating world, job searches, etc. It may be a hard pill to swallow, but you have to try your best to ignore those types of individuals. And instead surround yourself with people that share the same interests as you. If you spend your time dwelling that your ex ‘has it so easy’, you will always be stooping to his level. And you will never be able to rise above him and his ways. I’m not sure if he broke up with you in the relationship or vice versa, but think of it this way — ‘if you broke it off with him, you already have risen above his standards. That makes you smarter than those that he is currently duping right now. If he broke up with you, it is better that you are not with him, especially since he doesn’t know how to handle you anyway.

Posted using Tinydesk Writer iPhone app

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