Random Q & A (Part XI)

QUESTION:  I’m in love with a stripper!  Help!  What should I do?

SLICK RICK:

Ok, usually I try my best to give long, drawn-out answers to everyone’s issues in order to help those individuals with problematic situations get a good understanding about their options.  With this, I found myself just shaking my head and wondering if this is a real question or if you are yanking my chain.  I’m honestly hoping that this is your first time or two going to a strip club and that this is the first time you have seen a naked woman up close.  For your sake, I am going to entertain the idea that you met her before knowing her job and that you are actually having a REAL relationship with her; not just the kind that involves her G-string and your dollar bills.

If she was a stripper before you met her and continues to do this as her job, that is something you have whether you can deal with it.  Yeah, she may get on stage and ‘shake it’ for her income, but at the same time, you gotta what you gotta do to pay the bills as long as it’s not illegal.  If you are stuggling with this aspect of her job, explain your feelings to her to see if she entertains the idea of  looking into a different career.  If not, it’s probably not the best idea to continue pursuing the relationship.

**Honestly, I have no problem with strippers. They are doing what they have to do to earn a living. but saying, “I’m in love with a stripper! Help! What do I do?” makes me wonder if are you serious dude??  I am not trying to be rude or dismiss the idea of having a relationship with a stripper.  But this is something a 14-15 year old would say after looking at his first Playboy magazine.  If you are looking for a real relationship, then TRY pursuing something that you realistically have a chance of obtaining long-term!**

QUESTION:  I think I have a lot to offer a girl, but none of them seem attracted to me.  I’m a little overweight, 30 lbs to be exact.  But girls don’t even seem to give me the time of day.  How can I get a girl to talk to me and what else should I do?   

SLICK RICK:

There is a lot of things running through my mind with this post.  First,DO NOT get too discouraged or hard on yourself for women ‘not being attracted to you’.  I’m going to say this.  It doesn’t matter if you are single, in a relationship, married or divorced; as a man,you will never be able to tell what a woman is thinking with absolute certainty.  For me, it is difficult to tell you what you are doing wrong to not attract women or even have them give you the time of day.

I do have a few questions for you that you may want to consider.  First of all, what type of activities do you participate in?  What is your personality like?  It is good to stay within your comfort zone to a certain degree. What I mean is ithat f you are shy, it’s ok to be shy.  If you are outgoing, it’s ok to be outgoing.  If you are shy, it’s not a bad idea to try to be more outgoing.

I noticed you said you were about 30 lbs overweight.  Now I’m not one to say anything about a person’s physique, but most people have more confidence when they are doing healthier activities such as sports or going to the gym.  When I say going to the gym, I’m not talking about the  juiceheads that pump steroids and do that nonsense.  For me, I am a bit on the smaller side as far as  physique, but it doesn’t stop me from running and lifting weights.  I do it to stay healthy and remain in decent shape.  For guys, it is a little easier for us to approach women if we have confidence about how we look.  Women also respond better when a man is confident.  If we go in front of girls and spend most of the time being scared or uncertain about ourselves, it turns them off (that much I do know).

The next question I have is, what is your approach to a woman?  Do you go up to them or wait for them to approach you?  I know all women are different in this aspect.  Some like being approached with conversation and others will come to you talking your ears off until you honestly can’t listen any longer.  I asked this because when looking to engage in conversations with women, it is best to do a little scouting report on your lady of choice.  If she is with a large group friends, you should wait a few minutes to catch her with just one or two before approaching. 

You should be prepared for your first encounter by having questions and things to talk about. When you meet a person for the first time, the first five minutes tell the woman all she needs to know about you.  It lets her know whether or not, there will be a second encounter and conversation.  If the converstation dies quickly or not many similarities between the two of you, chances for a second encounter will be nonexistent.  If you ask her enough questions with ample time fo her to talk, it gives you a better opportunity to see things she does.  It also helps you to see if you have similarities.  Ultimately, she shows her hand before you do which gives you the upper hand (any ladies reading this don’t take offense, but we need any advantage we can get 🙂 ). 

Another method that helps break the ice is being funny.  I’m not talking about using cheesy, corny lines either.  I have only heard of these working out a few times, so I’m not going to give it too high of a recommendation.  What I mean is that it’s okay to make jokes about yourself  tp break the ice.  Don’t rag yourself too bad.  But if you can laugh at yourself, as well as make her laugh, chances are, she will see a different side of you and continue the conversation.  If she chimes picking on you, take a few shots at her (in a joking manner of course).  This shows her everyone has their faults.  But if you can laugh at yourself, then it will possibly help be more open about her misfortunate situations and laugh at herself as well.

Lastly, no matter what, DON’T GIVE UP!!!  Most guys won’t tell you about the times they approach a woman and get blown off.  Trust me, it happens every single day!  The worst thing to do is take offense and get down on yourself.  Sometimes, things don’t work out for a reason.  You have to accept rejection and learn from these encounters.  Every one of these is an opportunity to learn how to do it differently.  Just remember that when you approach your next lady, be confident in yourself, your approach, and make that girl laugh!!  NOW GET OUT THERE AND MAKE SLICK RICK PROUD, YA HEAR!?!

QUESTION:  My guy best friend from high school and I just recently started dating.  The problem is that we’re 1500 miles apart.  How can we make this work?  Can this even work? 

SLICK RICK:

Interesting, very interesting.  I  never started off a relationship being 1500 miles apart, so I’m not going to pretend to know how this is.   Starting off like this is difficult to analyze ,because I don’t know the full extent of your ‘best friend’ history.  Did you two ever have more than ‘best friend’ feelings in high school?  Typically with this situation, (at one time or another in high school), one or both of you had possibly thought about the other in more than a friends kind of way.  Either way whether you had this happen or not, it’s totally okay.

I’m not saying it can’t work, but it is pretty difficult.  To make it work, you would have to ultimately TRUST each other 100% to be committed and faithful.  You would also have to figure out each other’s schedules and plan accordingly for time to talk on the phone or via skype.  The more face time you have, the better.  I’m going to be straight up with you though.  I would talk with your new man about it all to decide if you could actually deal with this.  If you were like 200-300 miles away, it would be managable.  But 1500 miles is like from Florida to Texas. 

If  really are good friends, it would be worth waiting until the two of you were closer together to try dating.  I just think if you try it now, it’s not going to work.  Then you would ultimately end up losing a boyfriend, as well as one of your best friends.

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Pop that Bubble

Q: I recently broke it off with a guy I’ve been dating for 2 yrs. We had lived together for about 6 months and were fighting so bad. We were also engaged for 2 months and I called that off. The guy didn’t even get me the kind of ring I wanted! He does not know me AT ALL! I feel bad breaking things off, but the guy does not listen to me! Recently I told him he was like a 5 yr old that won’t stop talking! Even my family runs for cover when he comes around because they don’t want to be talked at! He says he loves me and I’m the woman for him. I just don’t feel like he knows me, so how could he possibly be in love with me. He does do amazing things like help move me all by himself, shine and wax my car every week, and cook for me all the time! But he does NOT listen to me, always thinking he’s right and not respecting it when I ask him for space. When I asked him for space, his idea of space was to text me all day, send me random pictures of his nephews that I’m close to, and to tell me all day, over and over that he loves me! He comes over at random times to bring presents for my mom and nephews. I feel like I can’t breathe. I tell him every day that he does not listen to me, I end up yelling my head off in frustration and he still doesn’t get it. He thinks I have an anger problem, but who wouldn’t be angry if they weren’t getting the space they need! I need that to recharge and get down time, but he thinks I’m being selfish and not wanting to spend time with him. I can’t spend every waking moment talking to and texting this guy. My sister asks me what I love about or even like about him, and asked me if I’m a masochist to stay with this time and time again. Am I? Don’t all couples run into these kinds of issues? Is there anything wrong with asking for so much alone time?

A: Well, does he have a twin? Of course I’m asking for myself! Because I want to make sure he gets nowhere near me. I would suffocate if I got that much ‘loving’. I got things to do besides look at clouds and dream of and with my love every day! He even knows when it’s time for business for me, it’s business! I retreat into a black hole to write these spiffy replies! I definitely don’t need his love swarming over me while I’m writing in order to feel loved or inspired. The strength in relationships come when you are a better self, even when they’re NOT around. Someone who doesn’t know how to respect another’s space or ‘bubble’ tends to be very N-E-E-D-Y and insecure. True love should make someone feel fulfilled and confident, like the way you feel after you eat a buffet, minus the sleepy part. Just having your loved one’s presence beside you, whether talking or not, should give you wings to fly! On the other side of the token of having space, is that when people are in love, they tend to WANT to be around their significant other. You even called yourselves a couple but then talked early on about being on a break. You gotta know what you want from this guy. And really, write list of 10 or 5 or at least 3 things that you love about him. I’m guessing talking and listening won’t be on that list! And maybe you are a masochist, maybe you like to repeat yourself, and maybe you just want someone around whether or not he fills that love tank of yours! Sounds more like he knows how to throw a match in that love tank and set it bursting into flames. Listening is a HUGE factor in successful relationships. You guys might as well not talk if he’s not gonna listen, unless you just like listening to yourself get angry about the same thing over and over. If you want space, put your foot down and demand it, you’re entitled to it! And you should probably find some online masochist test to see what’s going on there for you, can’t help you in that area, unfortunately, my vast knowledge doesn’t span there! Some girls operate on the premise (consciously or unconsciously) that they can change a guy. But if the guys are insecure and needy, those are issues he (or any girl, for that matter) need to work out themselves. That’s something Mr Bubble Popper needs to be strong in BEFORE he can be try to provide your needs. We can’t give what we don’t have. If you really want to do what’s best for you, then distance yourself and let the guy go. Personally, I always like it when I can breathe, it’s very comforting! Go for your needs and don’t look back, obviously right now he’s not helping in that department!

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