Top 5 Dating Texts of the Week (Part XII)

It’s that time again…for the top 5 dating texts of the week.  We try not to disappoint, and when some crazy things are going on, it makes it easier for us to meet that goal.  It’s always raw, crazy, and definitely of the unexpected.  So, here it goes:

Text #1  Midgets and Little Muscle Men

Text, top 5

Text #1 Midgets and Little Muscle Men


 Text #2:  Clothes are optional



Texts, text, top 5,

Text #2: Clothes are optional


Text #3:  Sexual Olympics

Text, texts, text messaging,

Text #3: Sexual Olympics


 Text #4:  Doomed

Texts, text, dating, top 5

Text #4: Doomed


Text #5:  Grown men on air mattresses

Text, texts, top 5, week, dating

Text #5: Grown men on air mattresses











Posted using Tinydesk Writer iPhone app


‘Pimping’ Lines and Awkward Happenings (Part VIII)

Well, we try not to disappoint for pimping lines and awkward happenings, and thanks to you guys, we don’t. I mean, really, who of us, really knows how to do all these dating rules and such. And we all know they’re fluid. But we try and then things like today’s snippets happen. And we all know if you can’t laugh at yourself, then well, you’re just taking life too seriously. Here’s what we got:

** beautiful girl picked her butt **

I stepped into the hospital gift shop the other day and saw a beautiful young lady. She was gorgeous and had the most exotic look. Her body was great and then all of a sudden, she starts to pick her butt. I guess she didn’t see me walk in the gift shop, so I just stood there shocked and entertained. Then she looked up and saw me, put her head down and walked the other way.

Yeah, butt picking should be reserved for non work hours, mostly for at home!! I’m sure she definitely left an impression on you, but probably not the one she wanted to. Note to self: pick butt at home. Done. Check. But, hey if you did talk to the girl, that’d be a memorable story to tell over and over.

** outstanding **

My 2 girlfriends and I were all standing around at this restaurant/bar. My one girlfriend was busy texting her man and us two were just conversating. Then out of nowhere, this guy turns around and says ‘how are you ladies’ loudly and awkwardly like he’d never said that before. We didn’t reply and he just replied ‘oustanding’.

You definitely know you have a terrible pimping line when you hear silence. I’m sure he was wishing for an ‘easy’ button right about there. And I can only imagine how awkwardly he said it. These poor guys, it’s tough to know exactly what to say that first time. But we say try and try and try again til you figure it out. And we’ll give you a little help the way too.

** interrupting #2 **

My girlfriend and I were sitting there talking about a really deep subject at the bar, when out of nowhere this dude comes up and says, ‘sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.’ We just stared at him.

Wow, buddy, maybe you need to look up the 2 words sorry and interrupt in the dictionary. We deem this unsmooth! If I was in sassy mode, my reply would’ve been, ‘then why did you’. Yeah, c’mon guys, really, put in a little thought before you go out. Maybe do some meditation or something.

Take notes fellas from your fellow pimpster or a girl who knows pimping 101. Otherwise, you’ll be telling yourself ‘outstanding’ many times over. Natural and in the moment is what we swear by over and over. Nothing over the top fellas, awkward, trying too hard, saying you’re desperate (yes, we’ve heard this one), are not flying in pickup line world. And ladies, don’t pick your butt in public, you never know who’s watching. At least just shake it out if you’re in public. Sound weird? Yeah, go try ‘shake it out’ unwedge when you get home. Those are our wise words of wisdom for today, til next time!

Top 5 Dating Texts of the Week (Part V)

We scrounged around and got ’em.  Straight screen captures of some crazy text messages.  Some of these are new to me.  I’d have to say my friends are pretty stable compared the tricks these screen captures of text messages are speaking of.  They’re fun, they’re raw (again), they’re real.  Oh, yes, they’re real.  It’s dating.  You might feel more sane in your dating life after you read these or you may not want to date!  But we love ’em, it definitely keeps us on our toes.  I even reread these thinking, ‘is that real’.  Here they come.  Keep ’em coming! And kudos and more kudos to those who submitted, you guys are BRAVE!!!   

Text #1:  On banana peels

banana peel dirty bachelor bathroom trash gross

Text #2:  On movie dates…

stinky armpit throw up bathroom movie gross yucky barf date first date

Text #3: On bad luck in the bedroom…

feel bad sleeping single year laughing give up hookup

Text #4:  On women’s skin

soft skin butt snake random date girls girl women woman meet

Text #5: On late night drunk texts with a fail….

beginning ending friends drunk text happy boys trip We love to date and meet people, but all kinds of elements get thrown in:  banana peels, snake-skin, hook up fails, throwing up, and just plain bad luck for some people!  It’ll get better, trust us, but meanwhile, stay with us as we keep exploring the inner thoughts and habits of America’s dating world!  

Doing it for the friends

QUESTION: Recently my buddies and I met a few girls at a club while we were stationed a new duty station. It was almost time to go. I walked out of the bathroom to meet my buddy who had been chillin waiting for me. As soon as I walked out, and I saw he was having a conversation with a gorgeous girl. I immediately walked up to her and introduced myself. She liked to laugh and laughed at all my jokes. Her friend asked if we wanted to go eat with them and I jumped on the chance. When we walked out, I immediately jumped to her side and made her laugh the whole way until we got into the restaurant. I was digging her. I sat beside her and continued to make her laugh for the next couple hours. My friends were all enjoying themselves too and they were the kind of guys that are cool with just meeting girls as friends, so they were getting cool with the girl I was interested in. She and I ended up exchanging numbers. She texted me and I texted a few texts then just stopped. I mean I was leaving in 3 months. I didn’t see the point. She text me a couple more times but I just ignored them. She invited me and my boys out one night, so we went. When I got there, she was aloof and then was spending time with other guys more than me. I didn’t try very hard to talk to her but I was just annoyed that she wouldn’t bother talking to me. So we left. My boys straight up told me that they were cool with her and intended to stay friends with her. What should I do now? I’m obviously going to have to be around this girl more. Should I keep trying to talk to her?

ANSWER: Buddy, you’d be lucky if that girl wanted to talk to you again after you gave her the cold shoulder without warning. Yeah, maybe you could’ve gotten away with that had your friends not befriended her, but you gotta man up. You gotta tell this girl what’s up. I mean, if you’re okay with it being awkward every time you all hang out, then by any means just keep ignoring it! But my guess is that this awkward for everybody around. I honestly don’t know what the big deal is with just being straight up with someone and setting the expectation. That’s called being m-a-t-u-r-e! I’m sure the girl won’t be heartbroken after only hanging with you an equivalent of 2 times. And well, if she is, that’s really her problem and emotional sensitivity. My suggestion is to lay down the expectation that you’re cool with being friends because it’s doubtful you’ll get more than that. She proved to your face that she doesn’t need you. She obviously played the game and it sounds like it worked for her. It didn’t work in her favor to get you to chase after her but worked that it pissed you off. But c’mon, get real and bring it back down to Earth here. You dissed the girl, did you expect her to go cuckoo for cocoa puffs over you when she saw you again? You’re lucky she didn’t pull out psycho card and ask why you didn’t message back. Suck it up buddy and at the minimum be cool with the girl to the point where everyone can be comfortable. Or find some new friends. Or maybe even try to really be friends with the girl. Your boys obviously see something cool about the girl enough to keep her around despite what went down with you 2! Maybe if you chill out and pay attention, you’ll see it too. Squash the drama and keep it real! I’m gonna go eat some Cocoa puffs now!

Fights That Never End

QUESTION: I love my girlfriend of 5 years without a doubt. She’s one of the most amazing women I’ve ever known. She is very much like my mom in a lot of ways, even in the same annoying ways my mom has. She blows everything out of proportion and gets upset easily. She doesn’t even show restraint when it comes to getting upset. She won’t wait til we get home to talk it out it or set aside. She always puts her feelings as the most important thing. She says whatever she wants and doesn’t take the time to think about whether it’s mean or if it’ll be hurtful to me.

I can’t win with her lately. She thinks I’m always attacking her. All I try to do is give her feedback about the flaws and negative aspects of her personality. But lately, I’m just getting fed up because now she will send a whole series of texts while I’m at work. She knows I’m in sales so I just can’t stop in the middle of my time with a customer to answer about things that can wait til I get home. It’s like if I don’t answer she’ll escalate and pretty much have a fight on text without me responding at all. These are the last 10 she sent me the other day at work:

HER: I can’t believe you didn’t even care to listen to me yesterday about what was upsetting me.

ME: You and I were watching the football game at our friend’s place

HER: so what you don’t care about me more than football

HER: okay, yeah you obviously don’t and don’t care enough to respond to me

HER: is this not important to you or what?

HER: maybe we shouldn’t even be together then

HER: well, I’ll take no response that you agree

HER: you never care about how I feel

HER: I’m just tired of all this

And recently I met a new chill girl at my brother’s work and she’s so much different than my ex. She’s a lot more laid-back. Is it time for me to move on? How do I fix this?

ANSWER: Wow, well, sounds like you need to get your girl a journal. She obviously wants to be heard, which is understandable. But like you said, there’s a time and place for everything. You’re the guy, the rational one and you understand how to compartmentalize issues, but unfortunately she doesn’t. It’s very common though, good or bad. It is what it is, girls tend to be more emotional! We’re built this way! That can’t be changed and it’s the way of the world. Besides, I don’t suppose you’d like us so much if we acted rational like your buddies without our soft side, which comes with the emotional side of the territory. But you are right that homegirl needs a little bit of self-control to wait for the right time to talk and with that, also to know exactly what she’s talking about.

You should enact a rule of sum it up in 10 words or less. Haha. Joke. There’s a reason why we’re known to speak 25 times more words than guys in a day, it’s because generally it’s true. I know you want to skip through the fat and get to the meat of things. But if you’re enjoying a fine meal which is how you should be feeling in a relationship, then you gotta sift through the fat. It’s there, might as well accept it. If you care about your girl, which it sounds like you do, then hear her out. Maybe you’ll zone off with the finer details but at least pretend and get the highlights (don’t you wish they had a highlights show about it like they do on ESPN).

You shouldn’t be her sounding board for all her problems from work to her problems with you, and everything in between. But you should be there to meet her biggest needs. And I know you think you’re girlfriend is borderline psycho with all her continuous texts. Or maybe that’s just me thinking she is! But there’s some things you can say to keep her anger from escalating. Phrases like, ‘I’m busy right now, let’s talk about this when I get home. I want to listen, it’s just not ideal right now.’. Another would be ‘I care about you and want to give you my full attention to discuss this. Can we please wait?’. Or ‘I really need to concentrate on work, let’s work things out when I’m done’. What you’ll notice about those phrases is that it does 2 things. One, it says she matters to you, giving her the validation she needs. And two, you tell her what you’re doing so she can step into your world and know where you’re coming from. Otherwise her imagination runs wild on why you’re not responding or who you might be texting instead of her.

People don’t usually feel insecure unless you give them a reason. One phrase you could say is ‘Could I please say something’. That will have her stop and make her consider you as a person instead as that enemy on the other side that she’s got to win over. Hard to do, but being polite is essential in a long term relationship after 5 years as it is from day one. But if she can’t be talked down, then either take some time apart or learn to live with it and let her learn to calm herself down. She’s a grown person, if she’s in a relationship she needs to take care of her share.

And seriously, why are you even asking me about brother’s coworker girl. You don’t even have a hold on talking with your girlfriend, so sorry but getting a new one won’t fix that. This new girl is still a girl and will still have needs. And I’m not talking about those kinds of needs, although that’s a given! Check it before you wreck it. Think long and hard about what you’re doing cause everyone will suffer the consequences of it. If you’re so rational like you say you are, then think with the head on top of your body and not the other!!

Listening, patience and openness go a long way. And if doesn’t, well, realize that no relationship can survive without good communication. Talking doesn’t do it. Giving and receiving to be heard does. So, maybe just getting rid of your text plan will solve it all! There are some advantages to the days when all we had was a landline! Get it done!

Unbelievably Wacky Week Happenings, Part II’

You know there’s always something wacky going on at STD. And well, that’s pretty much true for everywhere, the world is wacky. And if you’re not seeing it, then you must be asleep or hiding under a rock. If you don’t have wacky, it will come looking for you.

As always, bring on your stories, wackiness is all part of this world. Have a laugh at it, cause what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Don’t forget to send it to Privacy respected and anonymonity always practiced. We wouldn’t anyone to know you mailed something to your favorite STD. 😉

Wacky #1: Suck a duck egg
I was talking to this girl for a couple months and I just out of the blue stopped texting her. She sent me a few texts and I just ignored them. Then today I got this one with emoji in it (I’m a pilot btw, so you know what she’s talking about here), ‘I went to the airport today and thought of you! And I just have to say….you…suck….like suck a duck egg kinda suck!! Booooooo (3 emoji thumbs down) Or hopefully you’re not detailed in Panama for the naughty boy you are! (emoji smile) As much as you SUCK I wouldn’t ever wish that upon anyone! suck a duck egg on you!! (3 emoji ghosts) And just an fyi, I’m not drunk either!! (emoji: chicken, duck, chicken, penguin)

Wacky Factor: 6
That’s actually pretty funny. I mean who says that, ‘suck a duck egg’. I think I may just adopt that phrase for myself. You didn’t really say what you did to receive such a text, but we’ll pretend it was minor or in her imagination. It’s better that than a psycho text or angry text. The girl just sounds a little silly and I’m scared to ask (but I know you might not answer) how old she is. What’s all the chickens and penguins about? Too bad we can’t throw up that text here with it’s emoji. Haha. Hey, not too wacky, but still wacky. I’m still wondering what happened for a text like that appear. Or maybe she’s just plain wacky!

Wacky #2: Car Eject Button
I’ve been dating this girl for about 2 months now and last night we had our first big fight. She got jealous because we saw my ex at the bar and I was talking with her. I introduced them, but she still got mad. On the drive home she was fuming and wouldn’t calm down. I told her she was overreacting and to get over it. She looked at me and said ‘fine I’ll just get out right now’. Then she opened the door while the car was still moving at 40mph. She quickly closed it, but she freaked me out.

Wacky Factor: 10
Oh yes, now THAT is what I’m talking about. That is a prime example of someone gone wacky in dating. You should be more than freaked out, you need to push her to go get help. Putting one’s life at risk and trying to make you feel guilty by doing it is not healthy at all. Trust me when I say your girl has a lot deeper issues than you can help with as a boyfriend. This is the kind of wacky that needs intervention. Don’t let wacky turn tragic!

Wacky #3: Underneath
My girlfriend and I were at the club the other day and while we were dancing I teased her about something, I forget what. But anyhow it was nothing that serious. She looked at me while I was standing beside the couple we came with. She flipped her skirt up to show her butt and panties (nice ones I might add) as she said ‘ha, whatever, kiss my butt’. My friends laughed and I wasn’t sure what to think.

Wacky Factor: 5
I’d say you have more of a freaky factor than you do a wacky one. I mean really, who shows their undies in the club. Yeah, maybe the girls on ‘Girls gone wild’ do, but that’s television, not real life. Unless maybe your girl has been on there. Hey, you never know the secrets people keep. Plus, maybe should look at it, it’s a great excuse for you to watch those videos again. Perfect! Hey, she might be a keeper! What guy wouldn’t find that exciting! Well, except if you’re a jealous guy. Hey, if it were me and I were a guy, I would make her wacky factor work for me. Have some fun and enjoy your wacky panty showin girl!

Panty showing, ejecting out of cars and sucking duck eggs sound pretty wacky without even telling the story! Thanks for the wacky factor stories, it always makes me feel normal!! People have quirks and it’s always amazing what wackiness they come up with. Until our next wacky factor, don’t forget you don’t have to look for wacky, it will come looking for you!

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