Lightning Fast

QUESTION:

I’ve been talking to this great guy for the last few months. The other day we got into a disagreement and being the persistence person I am, I kept probing him as to what he was thinking. Some other things were said and he told me he couldn’t provide the life I deserved in the future. I was crushed and I couldn’t let it go. I freaked out because he was so amazing. We had a really strong bond and I felt blindsided with how he was cutting things off. I know we had rushed into things, we had already talked about having babies and life would be like when we’re married. I tell him everything. And embarrassingly, I cried after the 3rd day of talking some terrible things that happened in my past. Surprisingly he stayed up until 5am that night talking to me and we continued to talk after that. The next 5 days we went over and over discussing our situation. We eventually got worn out. And now we’re talking again as frequently as we did before every morning, all throughout the day, and at night. This has been going on for a few weeks since that initial talk of cutting things off. The only thing that’s different is that we don’t talk about babies and marriage anymore. He says we’re just getting to know each other instead of talking. Should I let him go? What does he mean by ‘just getting to know each other’? What kind of title is that?

ELLE:

Wow, third day and crying? It’s a miracle you didn’t scare the guy off those first few days. He must REALLY like you to stick around. But it sounds like he’s getting worn down at the lightning speed you two have been traveling. It honestly sounds like you’re both at fault here. You guys let yourselves get carried away in the ooey gooey and mushy things. This isn’t high school anymore. This is the real world where you have to take into account factors like trust, taking care of each other, the future, and eventually finances. All of those take time to get to and there really is no reason to rush. You cannot rush getting to know someone. Although you guys may have felt close, there’s only so much you can already be close about. It really takes time to see how a person really is. You can’t rush the good things in life. But, yes, you should be choosy about what you say to him. He’s not one of your girlfriends and shouldn’t be told every detail of your past, or every thought, or about all your girlfriends’ romantic lives. And honey, if you guys are still acting the same as you were before, then titles aren’t really a big thing. As long as he’s consistent and is devoted to you, in due time, I’m sure the title will come. Just enjoy your time together and each moment, worrying about the future or things to come is a useless place to put your energy. And good call on not talking about babies and marriage anymore. Trust me, there’s plenty of time to do that, you don’t want to be worrying about the future now. What you have is today, so make the most of it!

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Exclusive

QUESTION:

I recently started talking to this awesome guy. He’s a strong, confident, giving man. He always makes me a priority and always gets back to me whenever I text or call. Recently, we had a discussion about talking to other people and he told me to go ahead flirting with other guys. He told me to have fun. When I asked him why he wanted me to sleep with other guys, he stopped me and said that was not at all what he intended. So, he asked the question if we were going to be exclusive. I told him I didn’t want to be with anyone else and he said the same. Then a week later, he says we’re only talking and working on a friendship. I am so confused. Do I stay with this guy? What is going on? Is it worth it to be with him? I feel more secure with him than any other guy before him.

ARIANA:

Life can get complicated when people start throwing around terms or simply judging what’s going on by the ‘title’. I’m a firm believer that titles don’t mean everything. With that said, someone whose actions don’t reflect the status of your relationship is saying a lot about the fact that titles really don’t matter. I judge my relationships by how he treats me, not a label. If he makes you feel like a million bucks and he’s exclusive with you, what more do you need? People rush to get the label but don’t push hard enough for the relationship to grow. In time, the relationship will grow. If you can’t wait, then yes, you should walk away. But what do you need right now that he’s not giving you besides the ‘girlfriend’ title? Enjoy what you have, take it day by day, and go with the flow. In time, the title will come later and if not, that’s when you evaluate whether you should go. But that’s later, enjoy the now!

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